can you save me? || obikin

3.

He sighed, nodding as he tugged my elbows down until we were both kneeling on his living room floor. So relieved I almost cried, I closed my eyes and immediately started copying his breathing pattern. I was almost ready to begin a normal session of joint meditation when I noticed it: Obi-Wan was much closer than normal.

He seemed to kneel between my legs, his hands gripping my wrists instead of resting on his thighs. When I breathed in I could smell him, feel his skin against mine. There were few moments where I got this close to him. I flushed, sincerely hoping he'd closed his eyes also.

His signature was closer too – I could feel his presence at the place where our bond met my mind, cool as rain and warm as spring sun at the same time; more soothing than anything else in the galaxy. I tried to clear my mind, but his presence was quite distracting. I prayed our bond didn't betray how flustered I was. He spoke, and the quality to his tone startled me.

"Take down your shields, Anakin," he commanded, his voice low. I didn't know how to react to this – he had been so gentle only moments earlier, and now he seemed to be quite the opposite.

"I... I don't think-"

"I'm not asking. Do you want me to help you?"

"I... yes. I do."

"Then let me. Lower your shields."

"I can't do that."

"Then I can't help you."

I felt him drop my wrists and pull away. Panicked, I impulsively grabbed back onto him and flung my outer shields down without a second's thought. My mind washed down our bond immediately, and I felt him sorting through it. As he picked through how I was feeling, he seemed unsurprised by everything he found. I didn't know how to take this, and simply sat there, letting him read me.

"Good," he murmured, and his hands found my wrists again. My heart thundered in my chest as I felt him examining my flustered state. Surely he could feel my pulse... I blushed again, and my signature reflected that. His fingers tightened around my wrists, and his mind felt... satisfied?

"There's more... more you haven't showed me yet."

Fingers tracing up my arms, he placed his hands on my shoulders. Through the layers of my tunic I could feel his thumbs rubbing soft circles into the fabric. How is he so calm?

Taking a steadying breath, I peeled the next few layers around my mind away. Bitterness, grief. He took them into his mind without hesitation and I could feel his hands tighten against me.

"More, Ani. Farther," he pushed, and I huffed out another breath. This was so much, so fast... he could see pieces of me that not another soul had seen. With trembling hands, I pushed the walls back even more, holding onto his wrists like a lifeline as bits of me fell apart against his mind.

Inadequacy, guilt.

"I know this about you dear one," he murmured, my heart thudding at the old nickname which felt so different in this context. "Show me the things you're afraid of."

With deliberate care I pulled forth fear, attachment. A slew of images washed through my mind – snapshots of Obi-Wan and Ahsoka and Padmé and Rex and Fives and all of my men and so much of Obi-Wan...

I felt his grip tighten as he let the barrage of emotions I held for him roll down our bond in waves. Attachment, protectiveness, devotion... love. Such mind-stretching love... and he took every bit of it. He almost relished it, I realized, and a whimper fell from my lips. With a now hungry sort of intention, he took a break from pulling me apart and dropped some shields of his own.

Shock isn't quite an adequate word for how I felt when I sensed the things he felt for me flying down our bond. Pride, admiration, longing... lust.

It had never once crossed my mind that he would in any way reciprocate my feelings, but this was more. This was... he was matching everything I'd shown him.

To think that pure, good, rational Obi-Wan thought such things about me...

I swallowed, and dropped my forehead to his shoulder. From far away I felt him pull me closer, felt his heart thundering against my skin as we wordlessly soaked in the things we both felt, but never thought to say.

I couldn't handle it just then. There was no way to – I was completely unprepared and so exhausted already.

He silently pulled away and whispered hoarsely that we weren't finished. With tears I hadn't noticed rolling slowly down my cheeks, I rattled out a breath and reached back into my mind again, stashing away what I'd just learned as something to deal with later.

I picked my way past some other trivial stressors and awkward memories, searching for something to show. When I started to pass the memories of my darker moments, I hesitated, still unsure of what I was ready to do. I had almost turned away when he spoke again.

"Pull out that darkness for me. Let me see it."