A thousand bad times - Post Malone

Nine

Holi can feel the softness of the mattress and pillow beneath her. She is lying on her back and when she wriggles her toes the soft fluffy blanket that encases her tickles them. She slowly flutters her eyes and then opens them. The room she is in has a soft amber glow so she does not have to adjust or wait for her eyes to get used to any harsh lights. She is looking at a ceiling, it's all calm and quiet. She is confused.

The memories from the last two days come rushing back and her breath hitches at the thought of her little Bell being flung into the air. Fuck. Where is she? But then Austin's face comes into her view. He is smiling at her, stroking the side of her face then he leans down and kisses her.

As his tongue swirls in her mouth and she kisses him back, clinging to his shoulders like he could disappear at any second, she tries to gather her thoughts. A soft bed, luxury bed linens, soft amber lights, and Austin above her...did she dream about the last two days? Is this actually the morning after she and Austin slept together?

Did she dream he said all those awful things about her? That he betrayed her? Did she dream of Mac's heart being broken? Did she dream that her mother found her and tried to get her claws into her again for another hit? Did she dream of Bell being hurt? She must have. She is here in Austin's arms all warm and safe. It had all been a dream. They are safe, they are all safe.

Austin breaks the kiss and looks at her with a soft smile. He tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear, "hi," he whispers. Holi smiles, "hi," Holi whispers back. A dream, it had all been a nasty dream. It had felt so real though...

"Oh, hello! She is awake," a loud happy voice booms from behind Austin. Holi turns her head towards the voice and sees a woman in a nurse's uniform. She then darts her eyes around and takes in the room. She is not in Austin's room but in a very expensive-looking hospital room. So not a dream then. Bell! Is she ok? Holi needs to find her.

Holi goes to sit up but as she moves pain sears through her left side and she screams, but she continues to move. She needs to find Bell. Austin reaches out and pins her back to the bed.

"Behind you, Holiday, look. She is right there," he says into her ear, his voice edging on annoyance. Holi stills and looks behind her. She sees a hospital bed next to hers and a sweet little sleeping Bell on it. Holi looks back at Austin who has released her now and is standing next to the bed with his arms folded. He looks like he wants to tell her off and is using every muscle in his body to restrain himself from doing so.

For a man that is trying to get rid of them, he is strangely clingy and weirdly in sync with her thoughts. He knew she was freaking out about Bell without her saying a word. He confuses Holi so much.

"She is fine," his voice cuts her thoughts short, "she is one tough little lady. Few scrapes and bruises...but fine," he says. Holi sighs and then closes her eyes, "and before you freak out about Mac, he is downstairs having food with Ren."

Holi can feel the tears drip down her cheeks. She has fucked up so bad. She put both Bell and Mac in danger and now her mother is back in town and the whole Chuck thing...Holi is such a fuck up and because of how fucked up she is, she is fucking up Bell and Mac too.

She feels Austin wipe the tears in her cheeks softly then the bed dips and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight to his chest. Holi should pull back, she should slap him and demand he get his stupid bitch ass out of this bed and this room. But instead, she finds herself latching onto him, she feels safe and warm with him. He makes her feel like it is all going to be ok. Even when it's not. Nothing is ok.

Holi must have fallen asleep because she wakes with a start and can no longer feel Austin's arms around her. Her heart drops, she does not know how much more of this emotional roller coaster she can take. She is tired, emotionally drained, and spinning in a world that seems to take no notice of her - why should it? Of what importance is she? Fucking hell her thoughts are depressing.