Someday Soon (wlw)

s1 e15

"When were you going to tell me, Alex ?!" Ava shouted in excitement. "was it like a deep kiss or a peck?"

"Ava.." I sighed as I took a breath.

"oh my god, was it a quick kiss, or was it like ?"

"Ava," I repeated.

"fine fine," she says with her hands up in defense.

"It was a quick and simple kiss that didn't mean to happen," I explained. "it was like a heat of the moment type of thing, we haven't spoken about it ever since."

"what if she likes you? Ever thought about that?"

"no," I say simply.

"but what if? Like just what if, Alex ?"

I looked at Ava, rolling my eyes slowly as I groaned, "You sound like we're living in a Wattpad book."

"tell me what happened," she repeated.

"I told you what happened," I groan once more. "we were drinking but we weren't drunk obviously and we just kissed."

"what if she's pulling herself away because she's starting to gain feelings? Hm?" oh Ava, you sounded so stupid sometimes. "like what if that's why she moved out?"

Huh?

"Alyssa moved out to not make things awkward with my dad and her," I explained. "and how is she pulling herself away when she's nearly always here."

"Alex," she eyed me.

"no," I chuckle. "I was hoping they'd get back together or something."

"Are you fucking stupid?"

"eh, just a tad bit," I say while lifting my brow. "my dad was happy with her, I don't know what happened exactly but if she makes him happy, I'm happy."

"kid," she blurts.

The bell rang and I stood up, gathered my things, and didn't hesitate as I began walking out of the classroom. Ava seemingly tailed behind me as we made our way out of the school.

I questioned, "Are you following me home?"

"don't I always ?" eh, she did have a point.

The drive home was quick, as usual. I got back and went straight to my bedroom and took a shower. I was honestly exhausted, hell, not like I wasn't every day but I just wanted to crash into her and stay there.

I had four more days until Thanksgiving break and fuck, was that a lot.

•••

Ava and I swiftly made our way through the graveyard. It was colder than usual but that was okay, nothing I couldn't handle. I was going to see my mom again, I was trying my best to do it once a week, if I wasn't too busy or exhausted.

Seeing her brought me true happiness even if my lungs grew cold when I had to see her stone. Seeing her just made my days a bit better, though this was my second go around in a few months, it felt amazing.

It was currently snowing and a small thick layer of snow covered her stone, I noticed and immediately smiled as I brushed it off fairly quickly.

It was cold, but never as cold her her stone. Seeing her engraved name sent chills down my spine but the good kind.

I knew visiting her would soon bring out the sad emotions but right now, I was happy. I was happy to be in her presence.

I glanced over at Ava, who stood right beside me, with her arms folded. I questioned, "Would you like to speak to her?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," she stated.

"speak from your heart Ava," I glanced at her,  giving her direct eye contact. "you and my mom always did have a good relationship, she loved you."

She sighed, "I know and I miss her."

"speak Ava, go on," I placed my hand on her back, rubbing small circles with my hand.

She took another breath before speaking, "Hi Mrs. Lance.. I don't know what to say. Alexandra is doing well, well she's trying and she's graduating soon," she said with a smile.

"she speaks so highly of you, with any and every chance she gets. She's doing it for you and Mr. Lance and she's doing well."

Ah, Ava, you're gonna make me cry.

"she's gotten more mean though," she says while eyeing me.

"I have not," I blurted out. "that is so rude."

She chuckles as she pulls her attention back onto my mom's stone, "When we heard about your death, the town was shattered. The town went silent for weeks and honestly, we still aren't the same but we're trying."

"We all miss you, Alexandra mostly of course," she glances at me with a warm smile. "I miss how we'd go and get our usual coffee in the mornings. How'd all three of us would sit and watch crappy movies and pick out the bad details about them," she laughs.

"that, that was my favorite thing to do and it was ridiculous," she continues. "we'd sit in the room and watch the oldest movie and immediately notice the bad scenes about them."

"We also had moments at the company," she pauses for a second before continuing. "Alex and I we'd bother you until it was time for you to go home. I miss that," she whispers.

"holidays haven't been the same without you," she says with a hint of sadness ringing in her voice. "it's like we're here but again we're not. Sadness fills the room and we're left with an empty table."

"you'd usually be at the head of the table but now you're here and now we just can't shake that," she sniffs but her lips form into a smile. "we miss you so much, Mrs. Lance." she ran her hand over my moms name as a few tears fell off her cheek.

"These holidays just seem..different and off. I mean, it's not like the rest of them, they were all cold and grey, yes but this seems colder."

"this one seems just as fresh as the first one. They're all dull but this one is hurting a lot of us a lot more than we thought it would."

When Ava spoke from her heart, she'd really sit and dig deep but she was right, the holidays felt a lot colder than usual. It was more quiet. Mom would sit and fill the void and quietness. Now that she's gone, the silence just got so much louder and it's so hard to tune out.

I spent half of my days in my bedroom alone but I knew that wouldn't get me anywhere, I know mom would want me to go off and be happy but some days were harder than others. Most days I felt so blank and others? I felt free.

I couldn't help but suffocate in those feelings because all I felt was the helplessness of it. I felt consumed by it all and it was so overwhelming.

But Dad made it better when he could, I know deep down he was feeling the darkness of it all and I couldn't help but break for him as well but he held it together, as always. It wasn't like he didn't show signs of emotions because he did, he was big on that, the man was a crybaby. But I could tell he was holding it down for me, for us.