Save We Prey {5SOS;Multiple Ships}

Two

Calum tried to suck his tears back in as he hyperventilated lightly, wiping his face in frustration as he stood in front of the mirror of the bathroom. He pulled at the collar of his dress shirt, knowing it would only turn worse once his tie was put on him.

He jumped at the sound of the door being knocked on, not wanting to answer the man on the other side as he stepped back and sighed sharply because he knew he had to. He wasn't allowed to lock doors, not wanting to get in trouble by the man on the other side as he moved up to open the door. He kept his head down as if he could hide his flushed and hot face, biting into his cheek as Ashton stepped into the small room and shut the door behind him to hide from the gathering waiting outside of the priest, going to hold his chin to force him to look up at him.

He still kept his eyes the other way, not wanting to face him properly as he tried to stop biting his lip in a way he knew Ashton hated whenever he did it. He shrugged when Ashton asked why he was crying, having fully knowing why as he subconsciously looked over his shoulder as if Michael would be there for him, let down with only the sight of another mirror set with his tiresome face to stare back at him.

"I-I'm tired, sir. I just want to sleep but-but I can't. I'm so tired. Could you help me, please?"

Ashton nodded, wiping over his cheek with his thumb before letting his chin go. He didn't know what was going on in Ashton's head as the man stepped back from him. He wanted to believe the man, nodding though he didn't when he was told that he'd help him sleep when they made it home. He wanted to but didn't, still trying to hold out on hope as he let Ashton put his tie back on him so they could leave after hiding for twenty minutes so he didn't have to speak with anyone.

He tilted his head back for Ashton, letting him fasten his tie as he balled his fists up lightly behind his back. The older man tightened the knot around his neck, pulling him in closer to his body to nearly being pressed right up against him. He swallowed hard, pushing up to kiss Ashton shortly and assuring the man that he was okay as he tried to make his tone lighter. He grabbed his hand when his tie was let go, licking over the splits in his lip from biting them and digging the tips of his fingers into his palms with the lack of nails from chewing them off in another unsanitary habit Ashton hated of his.

He forced himself to smile, knowing it didn't take anything away from the exhaustion clearly evident on his face as it weighed down and darkened his features as he bypassed families and others who attended to leave with Ashton. Not even a smile could lighten the bags under his eyes, the hollowing to his cheek or the way his face was sapped of proper coloring. He still tried to pull himself together, enough for him to be somewhat presentable for Ashton but it didn't help as much as he wished it had. Michael had left, four days and counting and Calum hadn't had a moment of rest since then.

He thought he wanted Michael gone but he didn't. It wasn't the first time he had wanted Michael to leave, not the first time the man had listened and Calum always regretted it. He thought he'd be okay the morning without, had smiled after he told Ashton about Michael's disappearance, after the man told him it meant he was making progress and kissed his hand. It wasn't often when Ashton said he was proud of him, when the man's eyes would light up and Calum didn't want to loose the way the man held his hand and the way he spoke to him.

He knew turning back to Michael meant loosing Ashton's voice and touch, would mean having to work harder for it and he hated how aligned their versions of work were for him to kill someone. It was how Michael helped him sleep, how Ashton helped him stay clean and being caught between both was exhausting but at least he'd sleep afterwards with Michael. Would the man even return? Maybe he decided to help someone else and Calum had messed up? He prayed not but knew that wouldn't help.