" i'm here and you're here. "
sim jaeyun / park sunghoon ♡
𝙞𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙞𝙘𝙝,
an unexpected friendship blossoms between two boys, and they begin to realise that they are more similar than they anticipated.
@JJAEYUN - 2022/2023
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♡♡♡
jake awoke to find himself still in uniform, resting his head against sunghoon's shoulder and his arm around him. sunghoon slept like a baby, his shirt had lifted up exposing his body. this time jake could admire it without sunghoon seeing.
the moonlight hit his skin perfectly, the slight curve of his body, his pale skin. the moles speckled like a starry sky across his body, he wanted to memorise the placement of each mark on his body, know exactly where each crevice started and ended, how his skin felt, the taste of him.
jake lost his train of thought, forget about sleep, this perfect figure was lying in front of him, drawing his eyes towards him with such unimaginable force. jake extended his hand out slowly, just to lightly have his fingertips on the surface of sunghoon's stomach. he traced the natural lines of his shape so delicately, his scent filled the room - so alluring.
how could it be, he was attracted to a body that wasn't a woman's.
he'd seen girls before, they were pretty, with their perfect hair that framed their cute faces, glassy skin, freckles, the way clothing clung to their body, the way they smiled, walked, acted. but, nothing could compare to right now.
sunghoon began to stir in his sleep, eyes fluttering open from the little movement jake made.
jake just sat up, feeling hot and dizzy all over again, he felt guilty for appreciating the way sunghoon's body looked like it did. his legs felt shaky and numb, his head spinning out of this world. his throat completely dry, he couldn't say a single thing, he thought he would burst if he even dared to speak.
sunghoon awoke, noticing jake with a panicked expression, his mouth was open, as if to say something, but jake just rushed out the door, leaving all his belongings in the corner of sunghoon's room. shutting the door as he left, the lump in his throat broke as he sped out, following the same pathway he had taken to sunghoon's room, except he was heading for the front door.
the feelings didn't go away, the only thing that filled his head was how those lips tasted, how those arms felt around his body and how he traced this sunghoons body with his own fingers. he slipped on his shoes aggressively - the blistering tears already spilling out of his tired eyes.
and he left the house, running down the extended porch, he could barely see his surroundings but he just couldn't be here anymore. and he just ran. into the darkness.
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it was pitch black, he almost tripped over several times but he couldn't care less, he just ran, sniffling and wiping his tears away. jake reached a small park, the playground lifeless and empty. he slowed his pace and walked into it. huffing and sweating.
he fell into the ground, leaning against the playground equipment. muttering his broken thoughts and nonsense to himself.
"fuck ... fuck fuck fuck fuckkkk..."
he held his head in his hands, legs sprawled across the earthy ground. the moon was bright, but everything looked dead.
how could he?
he was disgusted in himself, more than disgusted. he was sick, ill and insane. he wanted to throw up, pretend nothing ever happened and go back to the way it was. his stomach churned in emptiness as he let out a few more sobs. only a few hours ago he had felt the like the happiest person in the universe. he crawled onto his knees, his palms against the ground as he choked out the last of his cries.
he revulsed as the saliva dripped from the corners of his mouth onto the dry surface. he gagged, so deeply disgusted in himself.
how could he? how could he?
jake curled himself up, hidden beneath the playground, rubbing the side of his arm as if to comfort himself, though he thought he didn't deserve to be comforted. everything was too much, the way sunghoon's gentle touch felt on him. he craved it, he needed it but he didn't. and he did not deserve it either.
everything just turned into nothing all at once, like the time that went by vanished into thin air, and his memories were erased into nothing but a blank vision.
he shivered in the chilly night air, his body couldn't sustain any heat, yet he was so worn out and breathless. he just gripped himself tighter into a ball, hoping to disappear until his grip loosened and he passed out, his eyelashes fluttering and his brows deeply furrowed, under the moon and stars.
and for once, he felt a little at peace, simply all by himself.
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sunghoon had screamed for jake as he scrambled out of his room, he didn't care if his parents woke up or he woke the whole neighbourhood, the person he thought he was beginning to love had just gotten up and left, just like that.
he was sure jake wouldn't hear him, no matter how loud his cries for him were. he wandered down the streets, worried out of his mind.
what had he done?
it was all his fault, was it because he kissed him? or how he touched him? or how he thanked him for what he did. or everything ?
he was tired, his body weak and fragile, in his head, the world was exploding and crashing down on itself. the icy breeze slipped through his thin clothing, which he put on on in a hurry without a thought of how cold it was outside. he stopped in the middle of a road, his hands holding the back of his head as he fell onto his knees, kneeling on the cement.
he screamed.
a scream so painful, and endearing and hollow. like his body was ripped out of itself, he lost it right then and there.
he was so angry at himself, so guilty and stupid for letting this happen, for not running faster after jake, and for not stopping him when he could of.
now he had no idea where he was in this sea of darkness, he had disappeared in the shadows.
"oh fuck... fuck fuck fuck.."
his voice trialed off as he fell onto the road, lying delicately, shaking and so exhausted. he lied there for who knows how long, he probably even dozed off without realising, the thought of jake never even left his mind though.
where could he have gone? he was worried sick, stressed all over thinking about what could have happened to him.
sunghoon gripped the rough road as he pushed his drained body off the ground and onto his feet. he felt numb, cold and his lips were dry. he continued down the street, desperately trying to find the boy.
blaming himself was so much easier than believing that jake liked him back. and so sunghoon whispered these stupid ideas to himself as he dragged himself through the dark streets and endless roads.
"my.. fault... all my fucking f-fault."
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a/n hey! the first update of this chapter mixed up the storyline, I've changed it now so it makes sense!
