I Was Never Truly Yours

46

Regina and Emma have been home for over a week now. They still argue as usual but a lot less since being home. Today, Regina woke up to her head nestled into Emma's neck. Every time she opened her eyes to this, a smile crept across her face. She placed a soft kiss against the blonde's neck before snuggling closer. She didn't bother to try and fall back asleep, she knew Bernadette would be in soon. She just allowed herself to enjoy this small moment. But, as mentioned before, it didn't last long. A knock soon came upon the door.

"Come in" Regina answered, sliding her arms from the blonde's body and sitting up.

"Good morning, ma'am" Bernadette said happily, entering the dark room. She walked over to the curtains and opened them, letting the light wake Emma up. The blonde grumbled and hid her face. "Not much planned for today as it's your day off. The only thing you have scheduled is an over the phone meeting at 2 till 2:30"

"Cancel that meeting. I decided that me and Emma are going out for the day" Regina instructed, knowing she was in no fit mood for a meeting.

"We are? Where" Emma tiredly asked, finally fluttering her eyes open.

"I was thinking we could grab some lunch in town and do a little shopping. Have a date day, as you'd say" Regina replied, glancing round to see the blonde.

"I love that" Emma simply said, pleasantly surprised by the idea.

"Good. You can leave now, Bernadette" Regina instructed, dismissing the blonde at the end of the bed.

"Yes, ma'am" Bernadette replied, giving a nod as she left the room.

Regina turned towards Emma with a smile, seeing as she stretched to wake up. She leaned down and captured the blonde's lips, catching her off guard. Emma didn't hesitate to move into the kiss, bringing the other woman closer.

"Good morning, my darling" Regina said between kisses.

"Morning" Emma mumbled out, too invested in the kiss to break it. Regina chuckled at the woman, breaking the kiss to laugh a little more. "What"

"You're just funny" Regina giggled, lifting her head high enough to see the blonde.

"Fuck you" Emma chuckled, feeling her own cheeks turning warm and pink. Regina laughed her way into another quick kiss, smiling so happily at the woman. That smile alone proved to Emma just how much she adores Regina. "I love you so fucking much"

"I love you too, my darling... I never thought I could love someone the way I love you" Regina replied, brushing her thumbs across the blonde's cheeks.

"It's lucky we are getting married then" Emma commented, giving a nervous giggle at what was just said.

"When do you want to start planning" Regina asked, continuing to play with the woman's hair and face.

"Today" Emma suggested, giving a cheeky smirk as she did. "We can talk about our future, as well, and what we both want"

"What do you mean"

"Like kids for example"

"You want to have a baby" Regina asked, almost taken back by the question.

"Well, yeah, of course I do. Do you" Emma questioned, surprised by the reaction she got.

"Oh umm... I don't really know. I guess we could adopt one in the far future or you could carry it" Regina replied, sitting up to hide her discomfort.

"I can't carry it, actually" Emma admitted, sitting up to be in line with the brunette. Regina frowned a little at the comment, questioning the woman's words. "Remember when I said about my abortion? Well, there were some complications and I now have a very slim chance of getting pregnant"

"Oh my god. I didn't even- you never told me that" Regina gasped, feeling broken and shocked all at the same time.

"It's ok, I came to terms with it years ago" Emma shrugged off, having been through all the pain already. Despite this, Regina hugged her fiance in a tight embrace, cradling her head carefully. Emma giggled, kissed her neck and lifted her head away. "It's fine. We're both women so if one of our parts doesn't work, we can use the other"

"What? Me get pregnant?" Regina asked, looking as if the question was insane.

"Is that such a terrible thought" Emma asked, a little taken back by her reaction.

"The list is endless as to why that's a bad idea" Regina scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked away.

"Some being?" Emma questioned, curious as to where that was going.

"The fact I can barely eat enough to feed myself, let alone two" Regina hurried to answer, sounding like it was obvious.

"Why do you keep lying to me"

"What"

"That's not the real reason and we both know it" Emma sighed, easily able to read the woman. Regina frowned in confusion, unsure where the blonde was coming from. "I can tell when you are lying and when you are hiding things from me. If I'm going to be your wife, you need to be honest; don't keep secrets"

As those words left her mouth, Regina felt her walls drop. She knew she could trust and open up with Emma but it was getting past the fear of it all. She knew the secret she had to tell. It was trying so hard to hide but, with enough strength, Regina finally let it out.

"I did something stupid a few years ago and I can't get pregnant" Regina whispered, finding it hard to say it louder. Emma knew to keep quiet and let the woman slowly get there on her own. It took a few deep breaths before the brunette was ready again. "The whole thing with Javier kept happening and I got really scared that, if he got me pregnant, my family would make me raise it with him"

"It's ok, take your time" Emma reassured, noticing the hesitance in the woman's voice.

"So, umm, because I was scared about getting pregnant, I umm... I had it all taken out" Regina finally admitted, her head lowered to hide her teary eyes.

"What do you mean" Emma softly asked, wondering if she was thinking the correct thing.

"I had my ovaries taken out"

Emma's whole face dropped at the words, having prayed she guessed wrong.  Even with Regina's head face down, Emma could see the amount of gutted filled pain there was. She wrapped her arms around the brunette and pulled her closer, illuminating any gap between them.

"Oh baby, it's okay. There is nothing to be ashamed about" Emma softly reassured, rubbing the brunettes back as she cried.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't think I'd ever have this"

"No, don't be sorry. Never be sorry for this! We will find another way if and when we want kids... Don't be sorry, my love, this is not your fault"