Killing Cupid

Chapter 6

WARNING: Suicidal scenes/violent scenes

I slowly opened my eyes full of tears for unknown reason. The scenes that played in my mind before I fainted is still vivid. The fear I felt is still present even now.

What was that? What happened?

Pinunasan ko ang basang mata ko at lumingon sa gilid ko nang maramdaman ko ang kamay na mahigpit na nakahawak sa kamay ko. I saw Mikaela sleeping while holding my hand tightly. Hindi ko maiwasang haplusin ang pisngi niya habang inaalala kung anong nakita ko sa memorya ko.

I am sure it was a memory. But why did she do that? She did it not just once or twice, and I'm sure as hell that she did it countless of times.

"Adonis?" unti-unting nagmulat ng mata si Mikaela

I unconciously smiled gently at her.

"Why do I always see you first whenever I wake up in the hospital?" mahinang tanong ko sa kanya

"How do you feel? Masakit pa ba ang ulo mo?" nag-aalalang tanong niya

Nanatili akong tahimik at pinagmasdan si Mikaela. I always find time to follow her wherever she goes. I stalk her like an obsessed ex-lover. Tuwing wala akong ginagawa, natatagpuan ko na lamang ang sarili ko na sinusundan siya hanggang sa Cebu at pinagmamasdan bawat galaw niya. I can't seem to let her go.

Saglit kong pinagmasdan ang kamay niyang laging nakasuot ng relo. People usually wear their watches on the opposite of their dominant hand. I am right-handed, so I wear it on the left. It was the same for Mikaela, I saw it in my dream that she used to wear it on the left. But how long has she been wearing it on the right?

I held her hand and looked at her seriously, "Mikaela, have you ever tried harming yourself?"

She paled and immediately pulled her hand off of me. Her left hand unconciously held her right wrist where she wears her watch. That expression, it just confirmed that it was all my memories and not just a dream. I clenched my jaw while recalling all those memories that I saw. She tried harming herself not just once but a lot of times!

That fear I felt when I saw her almost soaked in her own blood. It was so vivid to me. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko mapigilan ang panginginig ng kamay ko. My fear is eating me up. Parang sinasaksak ang puso ko sa sakit at parang sinasakal pati ang leeg ko dahil nahihirapan akong huminga.

"Mikaela—"

"I'm leaving." mabilis na paalam niya at hinablot ang bag niya na nasa lamesa

Mabilis akong bumangon at hinigit siya sa braso. I winced when I felt some pain on my hand.

"Adonis! Your hand is bleeding!" nag-aalalang aniya habang nakatingin sa kamay ko

Tinignan ko rin ang kamay ko at nagdurugo nga ito dahil nahigit pala ang nakasaksak na IV fluid kaya natanggal iyon sa kamay ko. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin at nilingon muli si Mikaela.

"Tell me what happened in the past, Mikaela." it wasn't a request, it was a demand

Pilit niyang tinatanggal ang kamay ko na nakahawak sa braso niya, "I need to call the nurse."

"No, Mikaela. I'm not gonna back down until you tell me about it." matigas na sabi ko sa kanya

"Why do you need to know about it, Adonis?" her voice was void of any emotion

It feels like I've seen this expression of hers in the past. Has she always been like this? This is not the Mikaela I know.

"I want to understand you. I want to know what is happening and what happened in the past. I want to know if you're still harming yourself like that. I want to know, Mikaela! Make me remember everything! I don't want to be in the dark anymore! Kahit anong pilit ko, hindi bumabalik lahat ng alaala ko tungkol sa'yo!"