3:15 [fezco]

fourteen

F O U R T E E N - A N G E L S   L I K E    Y O U

"i brought you down to your knees, 'cause they say that misery loves company. it's not your fault i ruin everything, and it's not your fault i can't be what you need. baby, angels like you can't fly down here with me; i'm everything they said i would be."

---

Maddy, Kat, Jules, and I walked up to the house holding the New Year's Eve party together, all our hands interlinked. Kat and I made up the night of the Winter Formal, and I was no longer mad at her for what she said about Fezco all those weeks ago. In fact, I wasn't mad about anything. For the last six days, I had been running off nothing but cocaine and alcohol, choosing intoxication over facing my problems head-on. It wasn't hard to find a dealer, and Rue and I spent almost every day together over winter break doing drugs and talking about our lives. She was hurt too as Jules left her at a train station on Christmas Eve, putting both of us in the same boat.

Fez texted and called countless times, and so had Ashtray. I ignored Fez's pleas for me to talk to him and I only texted Ash one time to let him know that I still loved him even if Fezco and I fell out. Still, the words we said to each other that night ran on a constant loop in my head. The only time it stopped cycling was when I was too high to remember my own name, and so, I chose drugs as my escape.

"If I don't find a bathroom, I'm gonna spend New Year's with a fucking UTI." Maddy called out to us, pulling me by my hand to guide me into the house.

I stumbled in my heels, but quickly found my footing as we stepped over the threshold. Maddy and I separated as she made her way to the bathroom. I didn't get far before a firm hand gripped my upper arm, pulling me across the house. My eyes narrowed when I realized I recognized the man dragging me along, and once we were in front of the couch, I ripped my arm out of Fezco's grip.

"I can walk just fine on my own, thanks." I snapped, crossing my arms as I looked up at him. He sat, motioning for me to do the same. "I'll stand."

"Suit yourself," He rolled his eyes, leaning back into the cushions. "We gotta talk, Soph. You ain't gonna avoid me no more." Fez's voice was firm, something I rarely heard directed at me. "Listen, about Christmas Eve—"

"We don't need to talk about it. You got everything off your chest that night." I stared down at him. Maybe it was the drugs, or maybe I had finally reached the angry stage of heartbreak, but either way, I felt confident. "Trust me, Fezco, you've said plenty."

"I ain't mean that shit, Soph." He snapped. "You know I ain't mean that shit. I was just tryin' to protect you, to get you away from me so you coulda been safe."

"Yeah, leaving really helped you protect me, huh?" I scoffed "You can't protect me from everything Fezco. And news flash, breaking my heart doesn't automatically make me safe from the troubles and tribulations of the world."

"I know that, okay. You don't think I know that? It was stupid, I was fuckin' stupid. But you gotta understand that I did that shit for you. You think it was fuckin' easy hearing you cry for me?"

"No, I don't. But you still fucking left, and it didn't really seem to bother you much then so why is it a problem now?"

"That's what you fuckin' think? That this shit was easy? Lovin' you ain't fucking easy, Sophia. It ain't, and it never fucking will be." Crack. I felt my heart shatter once more. I slowly nodded my head, watching as Fez recoiled. "No, Soph. That ain't what I meant, I—"

"Loving you hasn't been easy for me either, Fezco. You think I wanted this? To be stuck in this. I—" I was cut off as Lexi flopped down on the couch looking distraught. Fez pulled a blunt from behind his ear and lit it, eyes locked on Lexi.