Faded Alive

Chapter 4

Jamal's POV.

My breath hitching as I threw my towel at the locker. I swiftly took off my shirt and wore a new one. "Jamal what were you doing back there?!". Coach Noah aggressively barged in, his brown eyes dilating.

"Coach, he's not only at fault there". James, my best friend said.

"Don't interfere James". He scowled at him.

Coach Noah has been my role model and a father figure in my life, hence I lost my Father when I was little as my mother was never in the picture and he adopted me because my Father was his best buddy. Simple at it seems, it wasn't to me because it comprised of all the obtrusive hindrances that doesn't contradict with my mindset.

The image of a vulnerable three years old boy whimpering over the departure of a parent with a heart filled with despair over the return of the other, howbeit sensing the relish of hope and being shouldered anew. The glimpse of hope seemed to gloom when the person holding you up and brushing off your cascaded tears tend to make you slouched.

I sighed. "Coach, I don't know what got into me..".

"Of course you don't, after all your practices are in vain, I don't even want to talk to you right now". His hands slumped.

"Coach!". James chipped in.

"Don't! This is your last match Jamal, I have to replace your name off the list".

Perhaps it was my first match and last chance for me after being suspended for having a bloody fight at my previous match with one of our opponent but this moment was likely the end of me playing again.

At some point, I wasn't surprised at the Coach's decision over whatsoever I encountered but the feeling of being a burden to someone who over the years held unto you, when you thought you have a shoulder to lean on, it was unbearable feeling maledict in their life or any other person's and the life itself at the end becomes inane.

I clutched my hand. "Do whatever you want!". I spatted and walked out.

I walked aimlessly out of the school, breathing heavily, hopped in my Toyota, and drove off. I Parked my car beside the bridge, hopped out, crossed the path to the bridge rail. I jumped on the rail avoiding the skeptic glances from the drivers, sat on it as my legs were swinging above the deep blue ocean and the cool breeze disheveling my hair.

I sat there for awhile, thinking of how my life was twisting unforeseeably, as the mindset of dreaming about stars, chasing the butterfly and giggles becomes gloom, filled with melancholia. But I know not of any way to stop that distressful, heart aching feeling but to think of ending my life at the moment.

My phone's ringtone jolted me and I checked to see James calling. I switched off the phone, dropped it beside me and just closed my eyes, listening to the swashing waves, serene haven sensation and inhaling the oceanic breeze.

My life was nothing close to perfect, feeling ailed at how my life turned out from a boy following the steps of his coach, to having no purpose. The tunnel which was said to have light at the end was brimmed with not a single ray of light but darkness. My heart clenched as I thought of ending my misery and struggles, to release myself into the ocean, to seize the word Life away.

"Are you going to commit suicide?". I heard a voice right beside me and I hastily peeled my eyes open whilst fixing my sitting position, sighing at the realization of still being Alive.

"What?!". I asked as I watched the slender figure, with pointed nose, long lashes, aligned eyebrows, smiley cheeks, and bright ocean blue eyes whilst familiarity washed over me as she was the lady I was partnered with at history class.