Collateral Damage | afi

1: feel like shit

One Year Later...

I put on my pants, one leg at a time just like any other normal person because that's what I am– just a normal teenager. I walk through the crowded halls of school making my way over to my locker and spin the dial until I get the combination right, popping the lock open, allowing me to open the door and throw whatever books I didn't need into it and go on with my usual morning routine. As I'm closing the metal door Calum's walking in my direction, and I'm hopeful that maybe, just maybe he'll give me a tight smile, or give me a small wave but I should have known better than to hope for anything positive.

I hold my books close to my chest as I'm about to start my trek to class when Calum purposefully bumps his shoulder right into me, causing me to stumble back a few steps and slamming my back into the wall of lockers behind me.

"Really?" I said turning around to face him as he walked away.

He didn't give me a verbal response, all he did was turn around and give me a glare.

"I deserve that" I whisper to myself as I put my head down and continue my walk to class.

That's how it's been with everyone for a while now, at least with everyone I would have considered my friend. I thought I had done the hard part a year ago, I mean it was supposed to be the hard part, I was never supposed to be here and watch things unfold but the higher power had other plans for me.

Getting used to this new reality where the rules that were set for me from such a young age were slowly dissipating and I was gaining the freedom I never had was a change I didn't expect to happen.

I got through the first half of my day with ease, it was like any other boring day where I would half listen to my teachers while I mercilessly destroyed my notebook with random scribbles and doodles to pass the time.

I had been pretty good about keeping up with all of my work now that I was actually obligated to do it, and I had gotten very accustomed to spending my time by myself now.

It was lunch now, and I was headed to my English class which is where I typically spent my lunch hour. My teacher, Mrs. Beyer didn't mind people coming into her class and sitting in there for lunch, she told us she enjoyed the company and the lively atmosphere her students created. But while all of the other students were sitting in groups and talking and conjuring up inside jokes that would make their bellies hurt from laughing so hard, I was sitting at the desk in the corner of the room, reading a book, catching up on homework, or just scrolling through my phone because like I said, I had gotten accustomed to spending time by myself.

Today was no different than any other day until he walked into the room.

"Hey, Mrs. Beyer, I'm here to retake the reading quiz we had that I missed last week" he said, holding up the book Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. I hadn't heard his voice in a year, and I could recognize it anywhere. I spent years listening to the melodic laugh he would make when we would be goofing around; to the stern tone he would turn on when he was being protective; to the sweet and warm voice he always had with me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. His voice was ingrained into my memory and boy did I sure miss hearing that boy laugh.

"Here Ashton," Mrs. Beyer said, handing him the packet of papers stapled together. "You can go take the quiz at the open desk in the back next to Loganne," she continued as she pointed to where I was sitting.

My eyes grew wide, and I swallowed hard as I stared at her pointing finger shooting right at me. She was going to make him sit next to me. She was going to make Ashton sit next to me. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but at this moment it felt like everyone else in the room disappeared and we were the only two here; not in a good way.