If Only it Was The Same (ON HOLD)

Chapter Five

Julian's POV

It felt like claws were scratching at my throat with every breath I took. I reached back grabbing Colton's hand trying to help him keep up and ahead of the senseless following behind us. 

More and more were consistently joining the group, and they were going faster than usual. It's almost as if they were able to lock onto mine and Colton's movement. We had drifted away from the cliff, we were now farther in the forest, and farther away from town.

I could hear my heart pounding in my ears, and it seemed to be drowning out the screams of the senseless. Each step I took felt a bit more wobbly than the last.

I looked onward and the top of a building was sticking out from above a hill. I wasn't sure where exactly this was, I knew it wasn't the town, but it was a shelter. 

Colton and I stumbled down the hill trying to keep our footing, and luckily we made it to the bottom without falling. Some of the senseless though weren't as successful. 

The building was now in full view and it seemed to be the only one out here. Me and Colton scrambled around the building, looking for an entrance. Once we found the door we opened it in seconds and shoved it shut. 

I held the door shut as Colton went around the room finding something to barricade it. Once he shoved a cabinet in front of the door, I stood back and let out a long exhausted sigh. 

Colton slid down one of the walls leaning his head back and trying to catch his breath. I joined his side, copying his actions. I shut my eyes trying to focus on the noises outside, catching the sound of scratching and the screeches of the senseless.

I felt a hand fall onto mine, and I opened my eyes glancing toward Colton. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah...I'm good," Colton nodded, taking breaths in-between each word, "you good?"

I nodded my head, shutting my eyes again for a second. I gently held Colton's hand, forgetting about how tense our relationship had been over the past four months.

I heard Colton let out a chuckle, making my eyes snap open with concern. I looked at him confused as he continued to laugh.

"Colton? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Colton let out one last breathy laugh, "sorry it's just, that was crazy...I uh, just am glad we're okay…"

I nodded my head looking off towards the other wall, "me too…maybe we should head up a floor, get farther from the senseless…"

Colton nodded his head, as we stood together and walked towards the set of stairs. We leaned into each other a bit, as we reached the bottom of the stairs. They were concrete, and were chipped on different sides, but seemed sturdy enough. 

I let go of Colton's hand as I grabbed the railing giving it a bit of a shake. The railing shook, causing me to let it go and walk more in the middle of each stair. Colton followed behind me, and after about 20 steps we reached a door.

I leaned my head against it, not hearing anything odd or senseless related. I opened it carefully, in case I had missed something, but the room seemed completely empty. Luckily the windows were letting light from outside shine through.

Colton followed behind me, as we entered and we shut the door, figuring it'd be fine without a barricade. I sat down on the ground in the middle of the room, finally relaxing completely as I laid back staring at the ceiling.

Colton joined me, lying beside me. "You think DJ and Grayson are fine out there?"

"They can handle themselves," I say with a hopeful tone, "at least I hope so."

"Maybe they've already found the kids and are heading back," Colton suggests, "then after the senseless calm down, we'll head back as well and be all good."

"Maybe…"

Colton turns onto his side facing me, "gives us the perfect time to talk then, huh?" 

I sigh softly, turning to face him, "about what exactly?"

"Us? You? Ummm…" I could hear the hesitancy in Colton's voice as he trailed off. "Look Colton I know how much you cared about her, but you can't just start shoving people away because you're hurting."

I closed my eyes, turning back to face the ceiling, wishing I was somewhere else. "Look, I am not pushing anyone away, alright?"

"But you are. You're starting fights with me that have, no offense but have no purpose. You're not talking to me, and I'm not saying you have to, but it's kind of frustrating to know you're upset and I can't do anything about it."

I frown as I glance at him, seeing that he had turned to face the ceiling as well. "I'm not trying to do any of that stuff...I just kind of want to figure it out myself."

"I know...that's you, Julian, you're independent, you've always been. And I love you for that, but you know you don't have to hold the world on your shoulders, you can let some stuff off and I'll help you carry it."

"But what if you can't," I whisper back with tears in my eyes. "You didn't know her as well as I did, I mean we were in this thing together since the start practically. I found her and she was alone and I was alone...and we both were mourning and…and…now she's gone."

"I know Julian, and it's not fair to her to just keep holding onto her if it's hurting you. If she cared about you the same way you cared about her, then she wouldn’t want you mourning her too long."

I nodded my head in understanding, but I couldn't just stop mourning her. She was my best friend, and I guess a part of me thought she would come back. I felt the tears stream down my face and then Colton gently held my hand. 

"But give yourself time Julian, I'll be here always," Colton assured me with a soft smile, "whenever you're ready, I'll be there for you."