Fractured

3- Visitors

TW: Medical procedures/hospital
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Last night not long after Dad went home, my blood pressure bottomed out. One minute, I was halfheartedly watching reruns of Friends, wishing I had my phone to answer what I'm sure is probably a million unread messages. The next minute, it's like what little energy I had slowly faded away and the slightest movement made me so dizzy I could hardly see. I vaguely remember the night nurse coming in when the monitor started alarming, how she clicked a button and the cuff began tightening on my arm so hard it hurt. Then it's all pretty much a blank until I woke up this morning.

Apparently I had to have a ton of IV fluids, a unit of blood, and medicine that raises blood pressure.

But the big kicker?

They took my morphine pump away.

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"Isn't there anything else you can do?"
Mom's voice begs as Dad tries unsuccessfully to console me. The pain is so intense that I can't think, tears relentlessly pouring down my face.

"It hurts." I whine like a little kid. Pain controls my every move and thought.

"I know baby, I know." Dad is on the verge of tears too. I will myself to stop, but to no avail. All I know is that my leg is on fire, my entire body screaming, and no one seems to be doing anything about it. The new meds they tried were useless, but because of my blood pressure they wouldn't do anything strong enough to touch this all consuming ache.

Nurse Jennifer is clearly frazzled. "I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can give her. I will try calling the doctor again."

It's crap. Against my nature, I begin to yell. "You're not sorry! You don't even care! Any of you! Get out!" I push my Dad away from me with all of my might. To my surprise, they listen, glumly leaving me to dissolve into the blankets. The sound of my sobs eventually quiets as I become so exhausted that I enter into the numbing darkness that has become all too familiar to me.

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When the Saturday morning rolls around, almost a full day in and out from the pain, I meet Dr. Andreas, who is an absolute blessing somehow rocking an Elmo tie. I don't remember what the name of this new medicine is, but it dulls the pain considerably. I apologized to Jennifer and my parents, angry with myself for snapping at them so much. Dr. Andreas said I should be moving out of the ICU today, but that I still have to stay in the hospital for a few days to keep getting IV fluids and blood until my levels come up more, and also to keep an eye on my blood pressure and everything else. I don't even know how my body is holding together in the mess it's in.

The good news is that there's not an age limit in the regular floor, so Aaron gets to visit. Mom ended up making him go to school yesterday after all because they both had to come here and deal with my freak-out, which I feel crappy about. But he is spending this weekend with his friend Sean, so I'd say he's happy about that at least.

"Knock knock," Nurse Jennifer slides the door open carrying a cup of medicine, "How are you feeling?"

I smile. "A lot better than yesterday. I'm sorry again."

"Oh honey, you have nothing to apologize for. I'm just glad we're getting this pain under control so your body can start to heal up. You'll be starting some physical therapy too when you get to the floor."

That doesn't sound like a good time at all. I can still hardly move without crying out. I don't voice my concerns though. " I'll miss you." I say honestly.

"I'll check in on you on my breaks." Jennifer smiles genuinely. "I'll be back in a little while with Dr. Andreas to get that chest tube removed from your side, it will only take a minute, then they'll get you transferred down right after that, okay?"