dorothea | h.s.

brush with envy

I couldn't bring myself to see Zayn.

I was doing it for all the wrong reasons, and every ounce of me hated myself for it. I had been avoiding him, which was arguably worse, but I dug my grave too deep at this point.

I couldn't avoid him much longer, though, as the plans we finally made were for tonight. The boys were performing at Louis' cousin's wedding held at The Barn. Zayn had asked me if I would be his date, to which my anger at Harry sponsored an enthusiastic 'yes,' and I was now regretting it. Not because I didn't want to go with Zayn, but because my initial reasoning was to get over Harry, which was all wrong. Zayn didn't deserve that, so I refused to let it be that.

Sure, Harry would be there, but I wasn't going to act like he was. I was going to hang out with my date and have a good time.

And then tell Zayn that we couldn't see each other anymore.

It was for the best, and my intentions weren't in the right place. Being by myself was what I needed, away from both of them for the time being. I was going to wait until the end of the night, though. I didn't want to ruin an excellent reason to get drunk with my best friends again.

"I am begging you not to wear that."

Alissa was also coming.

"What's wrong with this?" I turned to her as she walked through my door, looking as if she was offended by the dress I held against my body.

Alissa fell onto my bed, where the pile of discarded dresses lay. She reached under herself, grabbing at a specific green fabric and tugging it out from under her back. She eyed it carefully. "You should do this one."

I sighed. "You already said no to that one."

"No, but I like it now. Try it on again."

It was longer than I'd typically wear, but the silky sage material fell nicely against my body. I couldn't remember why we decided against it when I put it on again. I looked over to Alissa. Her dress was short and red and sparkly. Together we looked like Christmas, but I didn't care at this point. I wasn't changing anymore.

Before she could open her mouth, I took a deep breath and spoke first. "You ready?"

When the boys found out I had a friend in town, they told me one of them would take her to the wedding as their date so she could come with me. When they found out it was the Alissa McDaniel, Louis and Liam fought over who would take her. In the end, Louis won, as Liam ended up taking Sienna with him.

Now, as I saw the lights of Louis' car in front of my house, I regretted allowing it to happen. I wanted her there for my own selfish reasons, but I, even more, wanted her not to have to deal with my fangirling friends.

Zayn was already walking up to the front door from the passenger side of the car as I walked out.

"Hello, Dottie." He smiled when I caught his eyes in the house lights. Alissa walked out from behind me, to whom he held his hand out. "I'm Zayn. It's nice to meet you."

"You too," she responded. I was grateful I could rely on Zayn to be a gentleman when it came to her.

Louis came out now, doing his best to act nonchalant when he introduced himself. I could see the amusement in Alissa's face at his awkwardness.

They helped us into the backseat of Louis' car and helped us out once we reached the venue. My hand slipped into Zayn's as my feet touched the ground, but I stopped our fingers from intertwining. He pulled me further into The Barn, which was still pretty empty, as most of the party was still at the ceremony. The band had to set up before the event, so we arrived early. I could see that Harry was already on the stage, along with Niall and Liam. I didn't look at him, barely making eye contact before switching my attention to the rest of the men. I waved. He did not wave back with the other two.