I found you

31

Smoke

Yooooo it's me smoke but they call me Santana last name is not needed

But I am 24 I am know as smoke cause every time you see me I got a blunt behind my ear or I'm smoking

I have a now the child  I had a younger brother who died at 15 due to him try to join a gang

Growing up we never had it all my momma used to steal to provide for us

My momma used to mess around with men and they would pimp her out

My momma had us at a young age due to her parents getting killed in a car accident

She ran away and stayed with a man and he raped her and that's how she had us

To this day she will not talk about it I don't know what happend

But my momma got cancer and she was sick to the point where she was in the bed everyday we had to take care of her

My brother tried to step up and help when I told him I got it and I would figure it out I would help get us on our feet

Momma couldn't afford a hospital bill so she decided to just stay at home and suffer

My brother joined a gang and ended up getting himself caught up and was pronounced dead on the scene and died at 2:37am in the morning

My momma stop talking after that she barely ate it's like she was mute

A night I could hear her crying telling god why him and he should have took her

Why god made her life like it was why she had to suffer

My momma then died 3 weeks after my. Brother death

She didn't have the money to pay it but one day I gotta call about her husband paying for it

And I know my momma never had a husband so I don't know who payed for her being
Buried

that day I was left lonely and had nobody I moved in with my aunt and started Hustling in the streets

My first time working I made 3,000 after that I ran up a bag and made a lot of money I saved

I bout me a car and a 2 Bedroom apartment to this day I fight to make my momma proud

I would never want my child to go through what I been through

When I have a child I don't want them have to worry ain't when they gonna eat if they have clothes or

If they can go to school or not cause we dropped out and and my
Deceased brother dropped out

When I turned 20 I met this girl and we hit it off she was a down to earth girl

She accepted me I told her how life was and she had a hard knock at life as well she was a model

She was insecure about her skin but tried to over come that by modeling

We had been dating for a year and a half

One day she came home and surprised me with a gift and inside the box was a little shirt that said

"Hi daddy can't wait to meet you"
I Knew then that she was pregnant I was happy to wear I used to work harder to save money so I can get out the streets and rap

(Months had past )

(Sorry her name is Hayley)

Hayley was 8 month pregnant and was due any day we were sitting at home on the couch

Hayley got up she said she left her phone in the car

I heard gun shots I jumped up and ran upstairs grabbed my gun and ran out the door

There my baby stood laid out blood everywhere
Her last words were  "s-Santana jr s-said h-hi  love -u-you and she took her last breath

I lost my soon to be wife and my soon to be now ...dead son 

I was having a boy only Hayley knew what we were having it was a suprise she told me she would tell me on my birthday

Which was the next day

Ever since that day I was scared to date fearing I would only get them killed or make them lose there life

I wasn't safe and safe wasn't me ......

( listen to that song at the top)