Summer Haze [BL]

Chapter 8 - Love All, Hate None

"With our current reading of Dostoevsky's work, what does the line spoken by Ivan Karamazov, 'Love children especially, for they too are sinless like the angels; they live to soften and purify our hearts and, as it were, to guide us,' signify when thinking about the contrasts between the Karamazov brothers and children? We went through the position of children during 19th century Russia in the last lesson, so it should still be fresh in your minds."

As always, the moment I asked any question, the students lowered their eyes and heads. They feared to make eye contact, and some scribbled notes in their books to appear to be focused just to avoid being chosen to answer.

In the end, the one who responded to my question would be myself. I had gotten used to talking to myself, so it wasn't as bad as before.

In this room, the students were like programmed machines, copying everything I wrote if I said it was necessary, sticking in sheets because I said so.

When I asked them to do something themselves, even if it was just reading a small passage, they couldn't do it because it required too much effort.

Then, when exams came, and their marks didn't fit their expectations, they blamed it on someone else.

Suddenly, a student raised their hand.

"I don't understand. Why should children guide adults? Shouldn't the adults be the ones guiding children since they have more experience in the world?" they asked.

This question was not a new one suddenly confronting me; they were old familiar aches. It was long since this class novel, and the question regarding 'children' had first begun to grip and rend my heart.

I could still feel my high school literature teacher's stare drilling at the back of my head. It started because of this book and that question.

"According to Ivan's philosophy, he believes it is impossible to have faith in Christ who makes children suffer unjustly, who then grow up into corrupted adults. If these adults then teach the sinless children who are loved for their purity and innocence, would they not stray away from the path of the benevolent deity and succumb to the temptations of the world?"

"So once a sinner, you are always a sinner? Does that mean Alyosha is also a sinner? But isn't he a hero who has the purest heart out of everyone? I still don't understand the part about children and adults."

"Well, if you read the book, you would know," his friend responded, rolling his eyes.

"You—"

"Alright, alright. For Ivan, he believes adults should suffer to pay for their sins, and by living with their guilt and accepting their corruption, they are repaying. In a sense, children are too young to have sinned yet are often made to suffer the most excruciating torments by a God who supposedly loves them. He reasons that God does not love mankind. And that is why we have all become like this. Does it make more sense?"

"Children are victims of the world and have gained strength not because they oppose the system of humanity but because they learn to accept that the world is full of poverty, death, despair, and the constant questioning of whether God really exists. It's best to think about this in the novel's context before applying it to the contemporary context because our values have changed over time."

While the two boys continued arguing, a familiar silhouette that walked away from my door caught my eye.

"Winter?"

How long had he been standing in front of the classroom, or did I see wrong? It worried me that he might get lost or go somewhere he is not supposed to be, but I doubt the other teachers or the deputy principal would mind him wandering around.

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Two classes ended and it was finally break time. Just the materials of one class cluttered my desk, so I took this time to sort them into piles.

"Hey, August," Mr. Haydon, the mathematics teacher in his mid-30s, waved his palm to gesture me over.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Is that Mad Artist not with you?"

"Mad Artist? Are you talking about Winter Lawrence?"

"I forgot you were unconscious during the period when he became infamous overnight. Even his name sounds so foreboding. But where is he? Aren't you supposed to be looking over him?"

"He should be helping out in the library. Is someone looking for him?"

Mr. Haydon's face paled. "How could, how could you just leave him unattended?"

Surprised by his sudden raise of tone, my brows raised in confusion.

"...I am sorry. I had a class to teach. But isn't Winter a grown man? He is the same age as me."

"Are you trying to remind me of my own age? Are you calling me old?"

"No, no. I am slightly unsure why I must keep my eye on him... like he is a child."

Mr. Haydon sighed, rubbed his temples, and shook his index finger. He repeated these motions twice, sometimes even attempting to start a sentence only to cut his words off. He was utterly speechless.

"He is everywhere on the internet, so you could just search him up, but make sure to find him! If he... if he... to the library...!"

With all colour seeping through his skin, Mr. Haydon was on the verge of losing his breath. His knees grew weak, so I instantly hurried over to support him while he gripped the edge of the door.

"Why is everyone afraid of Winter Lawrence? It's as though they are looking at a murderer."

Mr. Haydon took a few breaths before trying to steady himself back. He darted his eyes left and right, ensuring that the hollowed face man wasn't around.

Even if Winter Lawrence was walking down from the end of the narrow hallway, his footsteps, smile, soft laughter, the tapping of his pen against the walls, all of these would travel down the corridor and dig into people's skins with this disturbing nervousness. A burst of ghastly laughter that inflicted terror to all.

After looking around a bit more, Mr. Haydon finally took a few more breaths.

"He is no murderer... not with what I know of yet. Do you know why Director Lawrence sent his son here out of all places? Don't you think it is strange? Winter Lawrence is an artist of high standing, so why is he here in this low-ranked school that doesn't specialise in fine arts?"