Moments that define us

Chapter Eleven

Emily

Life had a funny way of playing out. I always thought God would lead me to a man that would help me grow, and maybe Jameson would, but I felt that God knew he needed someone to count on. Someone who would cherish him, instead of lie and cheat.

Jameson thought his words of his past would make me wanna bolt, but they did the exact opposite. How he could blame himself for someone else's mishaps broke my heart. My heart wasn't just breaking for him though. My heart broke for a girl who had a piece of his heart that I never would. It also ached for me, and how her hurting him, has affected who he has become today. But leaving wasn't even a thought when he told me.

After I got up, we decided to go on a Sunday drive, which were a favorite thing of mine to do. There was nothing quite like driving through the country on a summer day.

We got into his truck, and Jameson pulled me over into the middle and helped me buckle up. I was looking intently into his eyes while he buckled me. When he looked up and saw my eyes on him he smiled a crooked smile, that made my stomach feel like a herd of wild mustangs were galloping away.

He leaned closer to me and brushed my hair behind my ear. "You're absolutely beautiful Emmalynn." His thumb grazed my cheek. "I'm sorry I don't reach all the qualifications your daddy has for me to meet." He looked a little sad. Truth was my parents seemed to like him just fine, except he wasn't a Christian man like they wanted for me. I was always up for a challenge though. Not that I wanted to change Jameson as a person. I just wanted his heart to heal.

I cupped his cheek and smiled even bigger at him. "You don't have to reach all of his qualifications, as long as you meet mine." I whispered to him.

He pecked my lips then backed out of the parking spot, and took off down the road. "What do Emmalynn Rose's qualifications look like?" He asked, as he grabbed my hand and lightly kissed my wrist.

"Hmm" I tapped my chin with my pointer finger, pretending to be deep in thought. "He must be a hard worker." He glanced over at me a winked his eye. I didn't know before that moment that you could actually swoon.

"He must be a gentleman." I started to laugh after I said that. Truth was, Jameson was one hundred percent a gentleman with me. He respected my boundaries. Even though I knew he wanted more. "He must look handsome in old jeans and a plain t-shirt, love his mamaw, be honest, and love with all he has." I rushed out the last part. Afraid of what that meant for him.

He was smiling, but it immediately fell. I felt as though we were going back to how we were when the day started and I started to panic a little.

He took a shaky breath, let it out slowly then grabbed my hand to hold. "Is that what you want Emily?" His voice was raspy, and I both hated and loved how it gave me cold chills. "Do you want me to love with all I have?"

I didn't know what to say. On one hand yes, that is exactly what I wanted. But on another he already did love with all he had. Even if that wasn't me he loved just yet. "We.. Well.. I mean." I cleared my throat before I started again. "You already do love with all you have. You show it in the way your eyes light up when you talk about your maw and pap. The goofy look you get when you and Mac bicker worse than an old married couple." I hesitated then said, "the way you broke today telling me about your past."

I was scared to say the last part, but felt he needed to know. I didn't like keeping secrets. I felt they were not always good to have. Even if sometimes they needed to stay secret. He pulled off to a gravel road that cuts through the back of my family's land. Took a right into a field and put the truck into park, before shutting off the engine.

He looked over at me, and I saw so many emotions playing in his eyes, but the greatest I saw was love.

"What about when I look at you Emmalynn? What do you see then?"

I sat stock still. Mouth partly agape, and eyes wide. I hadn't expected him to just throw that at me like that. Even if I did set myself up for it. I finally snapped out of it and grabbed his hand in mine, and interlocked our fingers. "I see so many emotions." I whispered. "I see fear. Sadness, happiness, and love." I whispered that last word. I didn't want to force him into telling me he loved me. I knew I was falling in love with him, but was uncertain how exactly he felt.

He cupped my face with one big hand, while the other tangled in my hair. "You see fear, cause I'm scared to death of being hurt again. Or worst of all hurtin' you. You see sadness, cause love can give you the highest high, but also the lowest lows. You see happiness, cause Emily, you are the brightest star. An angel only God coulda sent me." He pulled me closer to him so our lips were barely inches apart. I closed my eyes for a second to reign myself in. Then I opened them and looked directly into his gray depths. "You see love Em, cause while I have love for other people, it's the love I feel in my heart for you that shines like a beacon in the night, like it's callin' me home."

I crashed my lips to his. Reveling in the way his lips molded to mine. Like God made him perfectly just for me.

I pulled back slightly and leaned my forehead against his. Our breathing was erratic, but the moment was pure bliss. I looked into his eyes, and the love I felt was so overwhelming it brought tears to my own eyes. Jameson reached up and wiped a stray tear off my cheek.

"If my loves a beacon, then yours is the ocean surrounding me with its current. Showing me the magnitude of its depths."