Through My Lens

Chapter 3

Louis is making his way down the hallway Friday afternoon to his last class of the day, the hallway was virtually empty aside from a few stragglers who were stopping at their lockers. He was happy it was Friday he had spent the entire week dealing with Josh and his group of friends harassing and pushing Louis around. Louis makes it half way down the hall towards his locker when he is suddenly falling face first into the ground.

"Watch where you are going freak" Josh spits. "He to stupid can't even walk like a normal person." Brandon one of Josh's friends adds. Louis suddenly feels a sharp kick to his stomach, he winces in pain praying that the beating will be over soon. Two, three, four, five more blows to the stomach from Josh. "Waste of skin, i don't know why anyone would want someone like you around. Your brother would be better off without you in his life." With one final blow to the stomach Josh and his friends walk off leaving Louis crumpled on the floor.

Taking five minutes to catch his breath and work up the courage to stand up, Lous finally makes his way off the floor limping his way to the bathroom, he opens the stall door closing it behind him he collapses on the floor tears muffled by his knees he now had pulled up to his chin.

"I hate my life, i hate myself, i hate this school, i hate Josh. I wish i was never born. Why do i have to be so god damn useless. Josh is right Li is better off without me." Louis sobs into his arms spending the remainder of the block fighting the urge to cut. He takes the rubber band that is on his wrist snapping it one... two... three... four... five times.

Sometimes Louis is thankful for his old therapist Heather. Heather really helped Louis work through his self harm behaviours, there are some days like today where Louis feels the strong urge to take the scissors, a pencil or any sharp object and drag it across his skin but he promised Li he wouldn't cut anymore. Heather helped Louis keep that promise for the past 7 months. It was a long year of weekly therapy session, talking about triggers and multiple attempts at different coping mechanisms, some that failed, some that worked.

*flashback*
"What' are three things that makes you happy Louis?"  Heather questions "I-I don't know..." Louis sighs "I am sure there are somethings that make you even feel a small ounce of Happiness." Heather pushes. "Li makes me happy, he is my best friend, and the best big brother" Louis starts. "That's great Louis, lets try and find one more." Heather presses. "Haribo Gummies" Louis giggles slightly. "Hairbo Gummies?" Heather laughs.

"Yeah Hazzie brings me Haribo Gummies every time he and Li have a movie night! He always lets me join them if its not a scary movie i don't like scary movies. Harry says i am too pure for scary movies so he must protect me from them. He is silly." Louis gushes. "Well it sounds to me Louis like we found our third one in there." Heather smiles.

"What do you mean?" Louis questions. "Well lets unpack that story you just told me, you named the gummies, but you also named something else in there. Someone that protects you." "H-Harry?" Louis tests as if he is isn't quite sure if he scared the answer is correct or he is scared the answer is wrong.

"Yes, feeling protected is a big emotion Louis. When you think of Harry how do you feel?" Heather inquires. Louis ponders the question for a moment, trying to understand the implications of his answer. How does Harry make him feel? Well he makes me giggle, I love spending time with him, he doesn't make me feel like i am just Liams younger brother, he feels like he could maybe be a friend to Louis. "H-happy" Louis answers after a few moments.

"I am so proud of you Louis. I know that was overwhelming but you did amazing." Louis smiles softly down at his hands. "Now i want you when you to try when you are feeling the urge to cut, and the snapping of the elastic does not do the trick, try thinking of one of the three things that make you happy." Heather explains.