( Bang Chan + Lee Felix )
❝I don't want my Lixie to leave me...❞
┈┈ mistopher | 2022 ++
Traumatized from his past of sex addiction, intercourse is the last thing that Chan wishes to partake in. However, he is yet to adopt the habits of healthy commu...
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┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ❄️ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈
⇒ ODDINARY Psychology Clinic 2:45pm
"I don't know what to do, to be honest. I- I haven't felt this anxious in months. I feel so shitty- But even more so, scared of how Felix will react if his friend recognizes me," Chan chewed harshly on his lower lip, breaths heavy and uneven, deeming it a difficult task to keep eyes in contact with the doctor. "I didn't expect my past to haunt me like this..."
"Okay, Bang Chan," the therapist sighed, setting her pen down in the middle of her open notebook, "give me some context. Tell me exactly what happened. I do understand how you feel, but I don't know exactly what happened back then... Who came back?"
"Uhm," Chan cleared his throat, pressing a sharp bite to inside of his cheek, "It's not something that I'm proud of, at all. So it- it's kinda hard to talk about," he gulped, "but what happened was- was before Felix and I got together. When we- some time after we started hanging out," Chan cleaned his dirtless fingernails, nervous, "I never wanted to think of him sexually... And Felix was giving me everything..."
"Mhm..."
"Everything emotionally... me a purpose, somewhat. Like a- like a real reason to make an effort to get out of what I was going through." Chan slumped back on the comfortable sofa, gazing up at the textured ceiling, "But you know how I was... I couldn't bring myself to look at Felix in any inappropriate way, so I broke my own rule and found a virgin to have sex with. He was a college student at the time."
"Oh," the doctor listened, comprehending, "Go on..."
"Yeah and... I wasn't even enjoying it, honestly. I just- I couldn't stop myself... But then he grew attached. Wanted kisses, and I didn't do kisses. He wanted loving aftercare, and I mean, he should have gotten that. But I didn't give him," Chan teared up, guilt churning the brunch that he had ingested a few minutes before the session, "And- and we didn't exchange names, but I'm sure he'd remember me. We weren't drunk, and we did it several times. And now he's friends with my boyfriend. So it's inevitable..."
"What's inevitable?"
"Felix finding out and... I don't know... hating me? I just took his virginity, and now he's gonna find out how I hurt the last person I deflowered. Like- I can't take that, Mina. What if- what if he doesn't even want me to touch him again? It's embarrassing enough that I'm too scared to initiate anything because I'm scared he'll think I crave sex too much or something," Chan rambled, agitated, lifting one hand from his side to wipe a stray tear.
"Have you spoken to him about that last part?" The female hummed, writing down something before looking at Chan again. "Communication is key, you know. And I know that you've been trying. You have been doing well too, but you can do even better. Things like that, talk to him about them..."
