chapter eighteen

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it was monday. i hate mondays and i hate school. gia and i haven't spoken and although i feel bad for what she had to go through with rue it's still no excuse to do drugs and take her anger out on me.

i was upset at her but i just wanted us to get over this fight and be friends again.

i got ready for school and it was pretty cold today so i went with a black long sleeve sweater and dark jeans with my converse.

i got ready for school and it was pretty cold today so i went with a black long sleeve sweater and dark jeans with my converse

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i also put on some light makeup and straightened my long brown hair.

after i was finished getting ready i went downstairs and ate breakfast. when i was finished i let my mom know i was ready to leave and we got in the car.

my mom knew that me and gia were fighting but she didn't know the real reason why.

she also knew i wasn't up to talk today so i just put in my headphones and played lana del ray.

we got to school and before i left the car i told my mom i loved like always and she said it back.

walking into school i felt like everyone was staying at me and judging me, i knew they weren't but that's how i felt at school. i hate it here.

i went into my first period and it felt like the time was purposely going slower. eventually the bell rang and i left class. i walked to my next period which wasn't as bad as the others. i actually liked this teacher.

"hello miss martinez." my english teacher spoke.

"hey mrs. williams." i half smiled.

i was zoned out for half of the class, all i could think about was gia and ashtray. i wanted to be good with gia again but i was to prideful to speak to her first. my pride was my achilles heel.

i thought about ashtray too, i wanted to see him. he made me happy but getting close to him scared me. he sells drugs and he said he's done bad things. i'm not scared of him but i'm scared i might lose him and i hate that.

i hate the affect he has on me, i hate that the thought of any girl looking at him makes me sick. i don't want to fall in love, i told myself i wouldn't.

1 hour and 10 minutes later

the class period was over and it was time for lunch. i was going to sit alone today but i didn't really mind, it was actually kind of nice to just listen to my music and think.

the school day was officially over and i was excited to be home. my mom picked me up and when i got in the car she asked me about my day.

"did you and gia make up yet?" she asked. "nope, she hasn't apologized yet and i don't want to talk to her first." i said back.

"honey sometimes you have to be the bigger person and just apologize even if you have nothing to apologize for." she looked at me with a soft expression

i just looked at her then put in my headphone and stared out the window.

should i apologize? why should i? i don't know what i should do.

we got home and i went up to my room to do my homework. i was doing my homework but then i got a text. i was hoping it was from gia so i checked my phone.

from ashtray: hey shorty do you wanna come over to the crib? me fez and faye are gonna watch a movie.

i smiled at his text. he wants me to come over?

i texted him back "yea i'll be there."

"ight."

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