Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #29: Elsa Vs. Elphaba

Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #29 Part 2: Hans' Bizarre Adventure

Earlier that day, at a location not far away...

MOLEMAN'S EPIC RAP BATTLES!!!!!!!

PRINCE HANS...

...VS...

...PRINCE JOFFREY!!!!!

BEGIN!

• Prince Joffrey: •

I've had my share of knocks before, but you're the target of thisroast,

So keep your tongue from talking back, or else I'll cut it out your throat.

This ain't Blackwater, yo: from facing thee, you shan't see me deterred,

And no Clegane need be relied on as I Hound you with my words!

You're mine to torment now, like those two whores my midget uncle gave me once;

I'll carve more marks in you than that nut job the Batman saved me from!

Mom says the Game of Thrones is win-or-die, but in your case,

Your failure's brought upon our royal house of scoundrels a disgrace!

Now, here you stand upon this icy shore, and here you're gonna stay:

Amid a frigid land where Winter fell and never went away!

I thus leave you to this exile, although I'd vouched for your beheading,

While I sail back to the Isles in preparation for my wedding.

• Hans: •

Oh, see if I care, you spoiled-rotten bastard sack of waste;

I hope your wedding sees you strangled 'til you're purple in the face!

I swear I'll find my kingdom yet, and then your rancid lot will see,

When I'm upon my rightful throne and finally where I want to be!

...Oh, I'm not fooling anybody; my ambition's out of luck:

My royal assets stripped away, in this backwater land I'm stuck!

Perhaps it's time to be the better man, and give up chasing crowns;

Seek settlement among the natives here, and turn my life aro-*THUD*

(*Bumps into a large sign as he is walking along monologuing this*)

By Anderson, what's this I've stumbled onto; do my eyes deceive?

This sign before me shows a face all-too-familiar, and it reads:

"The Snow Queen raps against the Wicked Witch, tonight at Icecrown Glacier!

Extra challengers are welcome if their coolness level's major."

Ha! My deviousness stirs again, for though it seems contrived,

This unexpected open door has now restored my inner drive!

When I show up, this time I needn't hide what I intend to do,

And so with vengeance on my mind, my kingly quest begins anew!

• Simon Petrikov: •