Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #29: Elsa Vs. Elphaba

Moleman's Epic Rap Battles #29 Part 3: The Snow Hits the Fan

Meanwhile...

(*LOUD, ECHOING CRASH*)

.

..

...

• Jadis the White Witch: •

I have had it with these soft, show off-ing, sentimental pricks!

Just crawl up onto my Stone Table now; I swear I'll make it quick!

If it's a war with me you want, then that precisely I shall grant:

I'd let you ask my sister 'bout the verbal bombs I drop, but can't!

I'm like Gnorga: make a statue of even a slight snitch,

So get stoked for a fight, bitches; you've woken the White Witch!

Lyrics delightful as the lokum I'll make any sucker crave;

You phonies think yourselves magicians? You're unfit to be my slaves!

I'll turn this place into a Charnel house before this battle's over;

I'm the North's true wicked one: not that Green Kirtle-wearing poser!

Bite into you like a silver apple from the Tree of Youth;

Jinn-Giant Jadis Ettins-more than dwarfs you munchkins, it's the truth!

I've got a loyal force of ghastly ghouls to massacre your butts;

You've but a snowman, and your chanting fools secretly hate your guts!

My wolf police will make a meal of anyone they find suspicious,

But I need no help to stomp you out as hard as I did Christmas!

(*Is suddenly shot in the head and face repeatedly and well beyond the point of death in spectacularly gruesome fashion*)

• Elsa: •

Christ!

• Aslan: •

(*Puts away dual-wielded fully-automatic sniper rifles*)

Well, aren't you quick at putting two and two together?

Either way, the deed is done: the witch's Winter curse is severed.

Here, I'd thought you three would have to help me out there, but whatever;

I doubt anyone will be complaining, least of all the weather.

(*The harshly frigid Winter air dominating the surrounding environment begins to subside as long-overdue Spring starts kicking in*)

• Hans: •

Well, this is awkward.

Fries: This does not accord to plan.

Simon: What happens next?

Aslan: The sorceress is slain, my children; what's it now that has you vexed?

Hans: It's Elsa here with whom we travelled all this way to pick a bone!

Fries: We want to kick her ass!

Simon: ...And tap it, maybe.

Hans: I just want her throne!

Aslan: That's battery, rape and takeover, dudes: all crimes, and highly grievous!