𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 [a rini au]

- THIRTY-FOUR!

nini knocked quietly on the door to margo's apartment, preparing for rejection. she wouldn't blame the girl, especially since that giant twitter debacle months ago finally pushed her over the edge with nini. but, nini wanted more than anything for margo to answer the door with a longing smile, even if she knew she didn't deserve it.

when the door pulled open, nini anticipated the worst. instead, in classic margo fashion, nini was met with a look of neutrality, one that the blond got so good at wearing for almost three-quarters of a year now. "hey," margo sighed, lips pulled into a tight yet warm line. "what's wrong?"

nini hated the fact that margo's first thought was that nini needed something, that she needed saving from a disaster relating to ricky that she couldn't confide in anyone else about. she wanted to be more than just that girlfriend to margo; she was her best friend, after all. the time to make amends had come.

"nothing. nothing's wrong," nini's hands tied together, the singer rocking back and forth on her heels. "i was hoping i could talk to you, if you're not busy."

"of course," margo accepted, stepping to the side and pushing the door open further.

nini walked in, making her way to one of the high top counter seats as margo closed the door. "what do you want to talk about?" margo asked as she took a seat across from nini at the island. her hands were folded together over the granite, almost as if she knew this moment was going to happen.

after being kind to ricky over text message as well as balancing a few other confusing thoughts that were now entering her head about him, nini was able to see one thing clearly. it was something she had repressed for quite some time, arguably her entire career, but allowing herself to mine it from the depths of her mind was relieving and overwhelming at the same time. so, nini took a shaky breath, hoping that she'd somehow shed less tears now than she did pondering on the way over here.

"i needed to...i wanted to apologize to you. for everything," nini began, holding eye contact with margo like her life depended on it. "the way i've always cornered you into being a middle man with ricky and i, how i've acted petty and stupid over the course of the breakup, and how i let a stupid twitter misunderstanding come in between us."

margo listened intently; she was always the greatest listener. that attentiveness is what made nini more emotional. she sniffled once, running her forearm under her nose before continuing with her head held high. "recent events have caused me to take it upon myself and reflect on the last few years of my life, and it's been terrifyingly liberating.

"i spent so much time with this irrational, pent up anger for my relationship, and i really thought that's what made me so jaded, but i think i've always been that way. everything that ej, gina, aaliyah, and kourtney said on the night of my release party was all true in some way. i do victimize myself, and i fail to recognize my own problems because if i can beat someone else to the punch, then i'll never have to face disappointment. you can't be disappointed in yourself if you find someone else to be disappointed with first.

"i've been too stubborn to apologize for any mistakes i've made, any wrongs i've committed. i've tried to weave my way out of my problems with finesse and persuasion, but never has the word 'sorry' ever come out of my mouth. it's the surrender that i cannot bear to release because it would open the first doorway to what i've always known but never wanted to face."

by the climax of her speech, tears were streaming passionately down nini's blushed cheeks. "i don't want to make any excuses for who i am and how i act, but what it all comes back to, i feel, is this – i've been so afraid of my mothers all this time when in reality, i've turned into them.

"i play the victim. i blame other people for the root causes of my personal insecurities. i scare people away in hopes that it'll instill some sort of confidence in myself. i project irrational problems onto the people i love most when they're not their issues and only i am to blame. i spent all this time trying to distance myself from my parents that it only made me more vulnerable to catch whatever they both always carry.

"i hate it, margo. i really hate it. i hate who i've become, how i've made other people perceive me, how i've hurt the only people i care about. i've royally fucked up, and i need you to know that i'm sorry and i'm that trying. i'm trying to be better, and that starts with a true, articulate apology to you firstly, of all people."

margo sat in the words, and for a split second, nini thought that maybe the blond was harboring tears of her own. margo hopped off her stool, rounding the island until she stood completely in front of nini. she cupped the brunette's face in her hands, thumbs stroking across her stained cheeks. up close, nini knew she wasn't mistaken.

"i am so proud of you," margo muttered, seeming to choke back a cheesy sob. "for doing the digging and uncovering the stuff about yourself that you've always wanted to know and come to terms with. i know why you've done what you've done, all through the breakup and with me in the middle. i think anyone can understand. i accept your apology, but if i'm being truthful, i don't think i'm the only one who needs to hear it."

nini rolled her eyes with a playful scoff. "i don't think ricky wa–"

"not just ricky. hell, i'm sure you both could use a mutual apology session," margo interrupted, "but i'm talking about yourself."

nini stared at her best friend quizzically. "apologize to yourself, and then forgive yourself. that's the only path to closure," margo clarified.

nini let out a freeing breath. she slipped her hands around margo's waist, pulling the girl between her seated legs and wrapping her tightly in a hug. "i love you, margs."

margo placed her chin on top of nini's head, stroking the chocolate locks cascading down her back. "i love you more, nini girl."

when the best friends pulled away, nini swallowed hard to prepare for the next topic of discussion. "okay, now that that's out of the way," she chuckled nervously, "i'm gonna need your help with something, but that starts with a formal request."

"shoot."

"will you come to my twenty-first birthday party?"

margo grinned electrically. "that's the stupidest question i've ever heard."

the response sent a charge through nini indicative of complete healing somewhere in the future. but, that journey began now, and that was all she could ask for in this moment.

𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐒!
→ my best girls :)
the road to redemption
for nini is coming...
that only means someone
else's arc is coming soon too...