my light, my darkness

3

I stand outside of the café that I once was invited into, years ago, the warmness from the inside was one I never felt again. I wanted to come back to New York multiple times, just so I could visit Juliette. But the pain of seeing her even walking down the street would sting harder than a papercut mixed with lemon juice.

Now I wear a watch so I know what time it is.

~~

That night in the café, I remember standing, in my most vulnerable state, not even having underwear on my hard nipples, you could see everything if you looked just enough.

But, Juliette was there. She gave me her underwear and a place to change. And I still have never found that feeling of comfort and safeness of Laurie's arms that night when she held me tighter than she ever had. I knew she loved me back.

~~

"How did you know this place was here?" Sebastian shakes his hair out of his ugly, male, eyes.

"Came here once."

"Took us long enough to find it."

"Bad memory. I guess."

I walk down the steps to the underground café, obviously I'm petrified she doesn't work there anymore or she kicked the bucket or some shit like that but she said that this café was her life.

A sign flashes in the window,

open, 24/7

The sign still lives in the same place and same colour, just decaying slightly over these past few years.

And I really fucking need this right now.

~~

I walk in and it's not as empty as I thought it would be, but one things for sure, the decorations haven't changed from what I remember, the lampshades in every corner and the carpet is the same musty red colour as before. But a lot dirtier.

I see a blonde woman at the coffee bar, laughing at a joke and a brunette with thick lips and bushy eyebrows telling the joke next to her.

This must be May. Unless they broke up and she moved on, like Laurie did.

I walk over to the bar, the swivel chairs free. I take a seat on one and Sebastian stays standing behind me.

"You look like a fucking stalker, Seb, hop on one of these or take a fucking seat in that booth," I point to an empty place in the corner booth.

"Let me just stand for a little bit, I was in your car for 20 minutes, then on that plane for eight fucking hours and back in a car for half an hour, let me stand. I'm tired but my feet fucking aren't." He says to me in French, in the middle of this café in New York.

"Okay, you just look really creepy." I whisper, in French right back at him.

"What would you two like today?" 'May' walks over to us, finally stopping Juliette laugh.

"Uh, to speak please."

"Excuse me?"

"I'd love a spare minute with, her." I point to Juliette, who's back is still facing me.

"Wh-"

"Marcia?" Juliette eventually turns around, "Marcia!" She runs over to the side latch, running through and over to me and into a tight hug.

"Juliette, I knew it was you!" I hold her back, twice as hard. I need this. I fucking need this.

"You look so good, Marcia, you've really matured." She strokes my face and I nearly melt into her warm hands.