Match in the Gas Tank || Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz

20 Anytime, Anywhere

Hawk felt gutted. He felt useless. All he could do was drive, watching the late night lights pass by and keeping his eyes on the mostly empty streets. The little sniffles and occasional sobs from beside him kept breaking his heart. He would look over at Evie whenever a red light had them stopped, and its red glow would cover up her red rimmed eyes. In any light, though, she looked so helpless, so broken.

He'd seen Evie cry many times, but he'd seen her cry so hard. He'd never heard her wail like she did. He couldn't begin to understand what she was feeling, what it was putting her through. The best way she could explain it, through her tears, had been that it felt like her life and what she knew of it was a lie. He didn't know what went into that, he couldn't begin to comprehend it, but he knew that he'd rather it be him than her. He would do anything to take her pain away.

"I just don't understand," she whispered. The car was silent otherwise. She stared out the windshield as they passed through. She hadn't had any destination in mind when she called him, but she didn't want to be at home and she didn't want to go to his house. She didn't know where she wanted to be other than with him. "Why wouldn't she tell me? When I was a kid, sure, I get that, but... now..."

"I don't know," he said, voice gentle. He was trying to wrap his head around it all, just as confused as she was. He was hurt, too, seeing her like that. He reached for her hand, taking it into his with a strong, reassuring grip. He didn't want to say it would be okay, because he honestly couldn't see anything in the situation being like it was before, let alone be okay.

He glanced at her, but she was already looking at him. She was flushed, all the way down her neck. He imagined it was from the screaming and yelling. From what he understood, the confrontation was volatile from her end. He didn't blame her for getting mad. She'd spent days being confused and lost, trying to deny the truth. He hadn't known how it would end, which was what had worried him the most. He'd seen Evie at her lowest, just as she'd seen him at his, but this felt different. He hadn't known what something like this - a secret this big - would do to her. He didn't know how she was going to react.

He wished he had been there. He wished he could have helped her figure everything out. Perhaps it wouldn't have been as bad if she hadn't been alone. However, when she had told him about going into the storage closet, he'd offered to help her, but she had told him that it was something she needed to do on her own. He should have checked in on her, asked her how she was doing, at least, but that's only something hindsight gave him. He'd had no idea how much she was going to find. He tried not to blame himself, because in his head he knew it wasn't his fault. His heart was telling him a different story, though.

He pulled into a small parking lot, needing a break from driving. They'd been in the car too long, just going down whatever roads they could. He'd listen to her pour her heart out, she'd gotten all her hard cries out, and it felt like the time to stop. He had to pull his hand away from her to put the car in park, and as soon as it stopped, she stepped out. He was quick to follow her, unsure of where she would go. She only stepped a few feet away, but he was right behind her.

The summer air and the night sky was all she needed at that very moment. She breathed it in deep, then let it out in a ragged sigh. She held herself, as if trying to keep herself together because she looked as though her body could collapse in on itself at any moment. The thinnest wind might knock her over.

Hawk walked over to her and wrapped her up in his arms. He had hugged her when she came running out of her house, but she'd asked to get out of there so fast, it hadn't lasted long. Now he was getting to hold her like he wanted to. He wouldn't say it would be okay, but his body and warmth and the way he held her so close would tell her something would be okay. He would see her through this, just as he had seen her through her stage fright and the bullying and everything else since they were five. He wasn't going anywhere and the tight grip he held her in said that for him.

Her head laid on his chest. He thought she might cry again, but she only took shallow breaths. He thought that maybe she'd run out of tears to cry, maybe she was calming down. He rubbed her back and kissed her head, ready to stay right there with her for however long she needed.

Time didn't exist to them under the dark sky and twinkling stars. He didn't know what time it was anymore, because they stood there for what felt like hours. Then she said, voice soft and raspy, "I don't think I've eaten anything all day."

He didn't ask how that was possible. He never put her eating habits into question, because she usually ate at some point, and he knew the day had been especially hard on her. That didn't mean this didn't startle him. He looked at her, taking her face into his hands and having her look up at him.

He asked softly, "Do you wanna eat and go to my place?"

He could see the exhaustion set in as she nodded in his hands. His heart ached again, but he pushed through that painful feeling and led her back to the car. He didn't know where they were gonna get food from, but his next course of action was to take care of her no matter what. She needed food and sleep, and he'd get her that no matter how late at night it was.

~

They had to sneak back into his house through the backdoor. The front door was too heavy and made too much noise and the last thing either needed or wanted was to wake up his parents. He didn't want to explain why he was sneaking his girlfriend into the house at three o'clock in the morning or where they had been all night. (The answer was somewhere but nowhere at the same time.) So they carefully crept in and went to his room, quickly and quietly.

When she saw the bed, Evie dropped onto it almost immediately. She didn't even take her shoes off. She was so low on energy, physically, mentally, and emotionally, she could only pull herself to do the bare minimum at that hour. She couldn't even think about being upset anymore. She was just tired and all she wanted to do was to sleep. It was all she desired at that point.

He came over to help her, getting her out of her shoes and the lightweight jacket she'd thrown on. Otherwise, she was wearing a pair of lounge shorts and a tee shirt, like it was any other day. He wondered why it couldn't have been a casual day, if only for her sake.

She wrapped herself in his blankets, feeling secure under them. She couldn't keep her eyes open, it almost felt too easy to just lay there and fall asleep. She could hear Hawk quietly moving around the room, until she felt him come lay beside her. His arms pulled her close and her head found his chest, where the smell of color protective shampoo took over his natural scent of boy.

She was asleep before either of them could say anything. He kissed her head and tightened the blanket around her, telling himself this was all he could do for her. He was at a loss, yearning to do more. He wanted to kick his own ass because here he was and all he could do for the girl he loves is drive her around town until she'd run out of tears to cry.

His mind stopped for a moment, his heartbeat quickened. He just stared, watching as she finally looked at peace since she'd called him hours ago. He brushed her hair back, taking in every little detail he already had committed to memory just from knowing her for so long. Her face wasn't red anymore, but her cheeks were still stained with the residue of her tears. Regardless of the turbulent night she'd had, she was still the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

It should come as no surprise that he was absolutely in love with her. He only wished he could calm his racing heart at that thought. He'd do anything for her and, before they got together and before the karate, he would have done anything to be with her. He lost sleep over her, more than just that night, and his day got a little brighter with every one of her smiles. He should be used to it by now, but it still startled him when his heart decided to pump rapidly at the thought of telling her. 

~~~

Are you as excited as I am to see how things go on from here? I'm desperate to know your thoughts lol.

This chapter is a little shorter than the rest, but I didn't want it to feel like it was dragging on. I hope you enjoyed it <3