Silence

14

We stop halfway to Doncaster to get something to eat. After a tasty burger, fries, and milkshake we continue our trip.
"I have never been to Doncaster." I sign as we drive into town.

"You missed out! I love Donny." Louis grins.

I look out the window as we drive through town. Louis' family lives just outside. Nervous butterflies fill my stomach when we reach a nice-looking neighborhood. It's a big deal to be introduced to someone's family. Not that I have experienced it before.
He notices my mood swing. Of course, he does. He's always so in tune with me.
"Alright?" He asks as he parks outside a nice-looking house.

"Nervous to meet your family. They might not like me." I sign.

"Impossible! They will like you because I like you but most importantly because you are you." He smiles.

That's so sweet. I smile too.
"Ready?" He asks.

I nod my head and we get out of the car. I'm fiddling with my hands. He reaches out and takes my hand in his.
"Stop fiddling. You're gonna be okay Harry."

With him, by my side, I know that I will be. I never had that before. A person that I trust. I love him. Maybe I will be able to tell him that someday? I hope.

He just opens the door without ringing the bell. Shouts a "hello!" Running feet. Five people staring at us. The youngest shouts "Louis!" and throws themselves at him. He let's go of my hand to hug them. It's okay. I stand in the back. Shy.

"This is Harry. My siblings, Lottie, Phoebe, Daisy, Ernie, and Doris." Louis introduces us, pointing at his siblings as he says their names. I wave. Smile. Wish I could speak. They're gonna think that I'm weird. Why can't I just talk? I stress about it.

They all say hi. I just stand there. I want to run away.
"So, Harry doesn't talk but you all know some sign language right? Do you guys remember what I taught you?" Louis says and puts an arm around my shoulders.

They don't question it. They just smile and they all start to sign "Hi, how are you?" Except for the youngest. They just wave.

"I'm good. How about you?" I sign back.

They look at Louis.
"He says he's good and is asking how you are?" Louis translates.

They give me the thumbs up with a grin. Louis guides me to the kitchen. A man turns around.
"Louis! Welcome!"

"Hi, Dan! This is Harry. Harry this is Dan, Ernie's and Doris' dad. He was married to me mum." Louis introduces them and gives Dan a hug.

Dan reaches out a hand and shakes mine as soon as they part.
"Welcome Harry."

"Harry doesn't speak." Doris says as she comes running up to her dad. He lifts her up and puts her on his hip.

"Alright." He smiles. No questions asked.

They take a seat by the table while Dan makes tea. Lottie leans in to whisper to Louis.
"He's gorgeous. Is he single?"

I have to bite my tongue so I won't laugh out loud. Louis shoots me an amused glance before he turns to Lottie to answer her question.
"He is but hopefully not for long if I have anything to say about it. Oh, and Lottie? He can hear you perfectly."

Lottie gasps and a hand flies to her mouth. She stares at me with blushed cheeks. I feel bad for her. I nudge Louis' arm to get his attention before I start to sign. I feel bold for a change.
"Tell her thank you for the compliment and that she's gorgeous too but unfortunately I'm very gay and I have a thing for her brother."

Louis burst out in a fit of giggles. His eyes are sparkling. He's beautiful. He repeats my words to Lottie and she smiles excitedly and lets out an "oooooh."

Louis looks at me and I can feel how I beam. Radiate. About to burst. I'm happy. Excited about what may come.

Dan puts tea mugs in front of us and our moment is broken. I drink my tea and listen to them talk. Dan asks about Louis' fairly new job and he gets really enthusiastic talking about it. I wish I felt like that about my gossip page.

I'm having a great time. Louis' family is wonderful and like always, Louis makes sure that I'm included in the conversation by translating for me, or just turning to smile at me. My mind sounds like a broken record. I love him. I love him. I love him. I want to scream it from the top of my lungs. Of course, I don't do that.

I spend a lot of time just looking at him. I can see that there's something going on. He looks sad. And happy. At the same time. I make a mental note to ask him about it when we're alone.

When it's time for bed Louis shows me to his old room. The bed is somewhat big enough for both of us. Louis just glances at the thin mattress Dan has put underneath the bed and chuckles lightly before he grabs the pillow laying on it and throws it on the bed.

We brush our teeth and get undressed, leaving our boxers on. As soon as we're laying on our backs I catch his attention.
"Are you okay? You seem sad today." I sign.

He sighs and rubs his face. Signs back so he won't wake up the youngest twins with his voice.
"I miss me mum. Whenever I go home to visit I'm happy to see my family but also sad that she's not around anymore. I know that's silly compared to what you went through but I just miss her, you know?"

"No Louis. God no. You can't compare loss or grief like that. Of course, you miss your mum and you don't have to make excuses. I get it! Trust me. Come here." I sign and open my arms so I can hold him.

He comes closer. Rests his head on my chest with his arm around me. We lay like that in silence. I'm grateful that I can be there for him for once. Comfort him like he has comforted me endless times before. We fall asleep like that.