Silence

19

I pour us a cup of coffee and we go to the living room. We order pizza and decide which movie to watch. We both like romantic comedies. We agree on Four Weddings and a Funeral and start the film. A cup of coffee helps the hangover. The pizza arrives and we eat in front of the tv.

When I can't get another bite down I lean back on the couch and rub my stomach. Louis motions for me to come closer and we lay down, my head on his chest. He plays with my hair as we watch the rest of the movie.

The film is almost finished when he turns to face me. He smiles and kisses me. I replicate. He deepens the kiss. His tongue slides against mine. Increases my breathing. He slips a hand through my hair. Get caught on a messy curl. Tug accidentally. I moan. The sound surprises me. I never make sounds like that. It excites him. I can feel him growing hard against my thigh.

He breaks the kiss. I stare into his eyes. Dark. Blue almost gone. I gulp. He kisses me again. Passionate. Gives me goosebumps. He's breathing heavier. Warm, delicate hand touches my skin. I whimper. He moans. I'm painfully hard.

When he palms me I almost lose it. Buckle my hips. Almost plead. Out loud. I don't. Of course I don't.
"Can I help you out?" He asks. Out of breath. Beautiful.

"Please. Can I help you out?" I quickly sign.

He smiles. Nods his head. Connect our lips again. Heated kiss while his hand finds its way inside my sweatpants. I fumble with his pants. I want to make him feel good too.

He takes it out. Run his hand up and down. Thumb over the split. I try to do the same to him. It's hard to concentrate. I'm so turned on. Making sounds I can't remember making before. I can be loud? It's just a handjob. I try to calm down. I don't want to embarrass myself.
"Let me hear you, princess." He mumbles. A slight edge to his voice.

There it is again. The nickname. It drives me crazy. I moan helplessly. Try my best to move my hand to give back. Sloppy kissing. On the edge. I come first. Make a mess. Cry out. He's watching me. I try to focus. Bringing him to where I am. Still washing over me. I can hear that he's close. I want to see it. I open my eyes. He's burning. So beautiful.

He draws in a sharp breath. Comes. I watch as his face crumbles. Mouth hanging slack. Body tenses. Beautiful. I help him through it. He smashes our lips together when he comes down. A kiss of gratitude. I smile. He leans his head back. Caresses my cheek briefly.
"Okay?"

"Perfect." I mouth silently. Smile a dimpled smile. He smiles too.

He turns his upper body around to fetch some napkins laying on the coffee table next to our empty pizza boxes. Wipes me first. Then himself. I can't stop smiling. Tuck myself back in my pants. He does the same.

We spend the whole day laying on my couch. Watch another movie. Make out. Rest. Help each other get off one more time before he heads home. I take another shower before I climb into bed. I fall asleep right away. Happy. Content. Hopeful.

I go out for a run the next morning. Filled with energy. Bouncing steps. Fresh air in my lungs. After I get home and shower I text Louis. Asking him to come over. He immediately answers that he'll be at my place in a bit.

I make lunch for the both of us. He turns up, smiling and beautiful as always. We eat. After we're done I sit down in the living room. He joins me. My old family albums are placed on the coffee table.
"I want to look through these but I didn't want to do it by myself. Do you mind?" I sign.

"Of course not." He answers.

I grab the first album. Open it. It contains baby pictures of my sister. I flip through the album. Watching her grow. She was three years older than me. It's all there. Her birth. Her first birthday. First Christmas. My parents smiling at the camera. They're young. Happy. Then there's the first picture of me in the album. I'm so tiny. My mum is holding me. Proud smile. Pictures of my dad holding me. My sister and I. My eyes are wet. I can't even remember looking at these pictures before. I know I have. Growing up. I just never saw how meaningful they could be. When pictures are everything you have left.

He puts his arm around me.
"You were adorable as a baby."

I smile. Just a hint of sadness behind it. He kisses my shoulder.
"Are you okay?"

I nod. Take another album. Open it. Vacations. Summers at my grandparents. Birthdays. First day of school. It's all there.

He makes small comments as we go through the albums. Points. Laughs at some silly ones. Helps me get through them by just being there. It hurts but not as much as I thought it would. These are good memories. Our time together as a family. Precious. Evidence that I had a wonderful childhood. I often forget that. One horrible moment shouldn't erase all the beautiful ones. I'm gonna try and focus on those instead.

When we have gone through them all he just pulls me in and holds me. We're laying down. Nothing sexual about it. Just him being there for me.
"I would love to see some pictures of your mum and sister." I sign.

He takes out his phone. He has a special folder. He shows me photos. Of his mum. His sister. His family. He doesn't say much. That's okay. I never say anything. I hug him closer. Letting him know that I'm here for him too.
"I think we need some cheering up. What do you say about checking with the boys if they wanna go bowling? I could sure need Niall's laugh right about now." He suggests.

"Yeah. Me too." I sign.

He calls them and they're on board. We meet up and Louis was right. Niall's laugh is the medicine we need. Along with Zayn's goofiness and Liam's smile. Their combined energy.