Did I really want to stay on this road longer, knowing it was only going to end in devastation?
“Bianca, wait!”
“Babe let me explain!” He keeps on shouting as he tries to follow me.
Before I can finally enter my car, He reaches my hand.
“Let me explain please. Pagmamakaawa nya.
“Explain? Really? For what?! Sabi mo magbabago ka na? Ang tanga ko lang kasi naniwala pa ako sayo!” I said to him. I’m feeling too much emotions right now. Naghahalo yung sakit, pagod at galit.
“Please. I’m sorry.” He said again.
“You did what you did! I felt how I felt and it is what it is.” I said. Tuluyan na akong sumakay sa sasakyan, at lumayo sa lugar na yun.
Before I give up on somebody, I try and try and try until it’s no more in me. At ngayon, parang di ko na kaya. Suko na ko!!!
...
Hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin maintindihan ang sarili ko kung bakit pabalik balik parin ako sa lugar kung saan kami laging pumupunta. It’s been 3 years now pero hindi parin sya maalis sa isip ko, he broke me into a million pieces at hanggang ngayon basag na basag parin ako.
“Bianca, parang awa mo na. Tama na yan!” Fatima. I looked at her pero blurry na sya, lunod na naman ako sa alak. Nahihilo na ko, pero naririnig ko pa naman sinasabi nila.
“If you can’t change it, let it go!” Heart. Kung alam nyo lang kung gano ko kagustong mag-let go pero bakit ang dali lang sabihin pero ang hirap gawin?
...
Sometimes, I wonder if time does really heal all wounds?
But the wound remain and your mind protecting its sanity covers it with scar tissue and the pain lessen. But it is never gone.
...
Noon, tuwing pumupunta ako dito naalala ko pa yung mga masasayang araw na magkasama kami, I keep asking myself kung saan ba ako nagkulang at bakit nagawa nya akong ipagpalit sa iba, pero ngayon parang unti unti ng nagiging manhid yung puso ko. It’s a different type of pain when you don’t cry anymore, you just take a deep breath and accept it. But the process of accepting took me so much time. Pero ngayon, Hindi na ako gaanong naapektuhan kapag naalala ko sya, and good thing is my memory of him is slowly fading away. Gusto na kitang makalimutan ng lubusan.
Maybe you’re wondering who’s the person I’m talking, well he’s the guy who broke my heart. I won’t say his name, bakit pa? Di nya deserve noh. He cheated on me. I saw him here, here at this place where we created most of our memories, kissing a girl who is not me. And the worst is, that girl was my friend.
By the way, I am Pauline Bianca Santos. A simple girl who wants her life back because of being broken for 3 freaking years.
“That’s what happens, you let people in and they destroy you.” Heart. I’m with my best friend heart here coffee shop.
Pinapamuka nya na naman sakin na mali yung desisyon kong pagkatiwalaan yung lalaking yun.
“Oo na nga heart. Gising na ako sa katotohanan oh. Wag mo ng ipaalala yun” I said.
“Buti naman at nagising kana. Ilang taon mo ding iniyakan yung sira ulong yun.” Fatima. Pabigla bigla namang sulpot neto dito. Sabay upo sa tabi ni Heart.
“Okay na guys, 3 years nyo na din naman akong sinesermonan eh. Sapat na yun para magising ako. Haha” I said and tumawa.
“Hay nako Bianca, kung Nakita mo lang yung sarili mo noon sigurado kaming maawa ka din.” Fatima.
