My Eating Disorder (COMPLETE)

I'm Starting

It started immediately. The moment I woke up, my mom made me breakfast.

Pancakes.

I gave her a look.

"Why don't I make myself food?"

She might not know it, but she's making it hard for me. I mean...pancakes?

"Just eat it."

I reluctantly sat down. Two pancakes and some maple syrup were on the side. An apple was cut into slices.

She sat down across from me with her own plate.

Silence filled the room.

I cut the pancake and lifted it up to my mouth.

A blast of nasty thoughts went to my brain. Crushing any sense of appetite.

I breathed.

"Can I please make the rest of my meals?"

I could see the forehead lines of my mother growing, "Sure, but eat. Why won't you eat it?"

I muttered something under my breath. She wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it to her.

I put down the fork.

"Sunny," my mom warned. "You said—"

"I'm eating the apple first," I snapped, roughly grabbing a slice. I emphasized my chewing as I bit into it.

She stayed quiet after that.

After some time, I finished my meal and washed my plate.

Crying in my room all day seemed like a nice option.

But I didn't.

I cried, yeah, but I also started researching. If I wanted to get better, I needed to try.

Research was something I was good at.

1. Positive Self-affirmations
Love your self
Don't be scared of your body

Alright. Easier said than done.

2. Don't give up

I'll try not to.

3. Buy a Journal

I skimmed through the rest of the pointers the article gave. Standard stuff.

I looked at the comments.

Something that helped me was watching videos. It took my mind off the food.

I paused. That was a really good idea. Earlier today, I was so hyper-focused on the food in front of me that it clouded my mind.

I looked through the closet to see if I could find a scrappy old notebook. I did.

My math notebook from last year had rips and dust, but it'll do. Flipping to the next available page, I put the words, "My Recovery."

But I stopped, remembering my personal journal. The one I had since the start of the school year. The one with all of my gruesome thoughts. The one where I vented my feelings.

I didn't want to look at it. It brought back bad memories.

This is a new start for me. No more feeling miserable about myself.

I clenched my pencil.

Day 1:

I'm going to recover and I will beat my disorder.

Positive affirmations.

With a smirk, I thought,

Step one completed.