Saviour? (Andley)

Hurting Myself

Andy:

As soon as I woke up I could see what was going on. Ashley really did love me. But he didn't deserve someone as worthless as me. He deserved someone wonderful and beautiful and amazing. "How could you love me?" "Because you are amazing Andy, you are everything I love, I can't even describe you in words." "But i'm so fat and ugly." "Stop saying that! You are everything but that!" I raised my arm to see my scars and showed him. "Than why do I feel like shit!? Why do I feel so crappy?!" "Because you only see you from you, you don't see you like I see you. Like you should be seen." He lowered my arm, "Andy where is it?" "I'm not telling you..." He all of a sudden got serious. "Andy I will not sit back knowing you have a weapon hidden somewhere and hurt yourself. Tell me where you hid the razor now!" "No!" I felt myself being picked up and squirmed, but he was stronger since I have been starving myself the past couple weeks. "Let me go!" Sadly the door was shut so the other gies didn't hear me.. stupid sound proof walls. "Please! Its all I have!" "Andy it is not all you have! I will always be here for you!" "No! You won't! It is there more and it never leaves me!" "Andy I am not joking!" I felt myself being put down in the bathroom and he shut the door. "Let me out of here!" I tried to stand up but he pushed me down forcefully. "You are not leaving until that blade is in my hand." He sat in front of the door and stared at me. I knew he didn't want to be mean to me, but he was doing what he had to do.

We ended up sitting there for an hour and I heard someone step out of the bedroom, Jinxx. I jumped up but Ashley was in front of the door. "Jinxx! Jinxx let me out!" "Andy?!" Ashley quickly stood up and ran out before shutting the door and leaning on the outside, once again locking me in. I kept banging on the door but it was no use, I was too weak.

After 5 minutes I guess Jinxx and the gies understood and Ashley came back in and resumed his position by the door. I sat in the far corner and wept in my arms. "Andy.. please," I shook my head violently. "Andy.. I want to help you but I can't do that if you don't let me." "You can't help me.." "Yes I can and I will." I looked at him and put my arms down. He stood up and walked to me crouching down, "Andy, I will. Trust me." I shook my head and he put me on his lap. "Andy I love you so much. I don't want to see you hurt." He wiped my face and pleaded. "Please.." I let out a shaky sigh and he rubbed my back before helping me up. I slowly walked to the hanging picture and took it off, handing it to Ashley. He put it in the sink and I looked at the box stuffed in the wall. I looked at him and he had dull saddened eyes. I slowly got the box in my grip and opened it, looking at the sharp object inside. Then I slowly handed it to him, He grabbed it and walked out of the room. But I just went back to my corner and sat there.

I think after a while Ashley realized I didn't leave and came back. "Andy are you in here?" He walked in and locked eyes with me. He sat next me me and rubbed my back. "Andy You can get through this, I know you can." I just stayed silent and felt arms around me, I opened my eyes on the couch and saw the gies. Jake looked at me, "Andy.. why didn't you talk to us?" I looked down ashamed and dug deeper into Ashleys grip around me.

After realizing I wouldn't talk they got into a new conversation. "You gies hungry?" I heard Jinxx stand up after getting yesses from the gies. "We should be home in 5 minutes and after we eat we can head home for the next 6 months of boringness." They all laughed, I lived alone in an apartment close to the gies. Our apartments were all in the same part of Cali and we could easily walk across the street to visit them. Jake and CC lived in the same exact complex as me, Ashley and Jinxx lived across the street.

I slowly got dressed and cleaned up, as soon as I was done we were home. I was heading to a taxi to go home when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Andy? Where are you going?" "Home." "We are all going to celebrate you don't want to come?" "No." I got in the car but Ashley pulled me out. "I need to go home Ashley." I was on the verge of tears and he pulled me to his car, sticking me in the front seat. I heard him tell the gies that he was heading home instead. As he sat in his seat he looked at me. "Please Ashley, I just want to go home." I started to cry again and mentally beat myself senseless.

I needed to stop crying but I just couldn't.

"Andy everythings okay theres no need to hurt yourself over this." I eventually opened my eyes to see we were parked at Ashley's house. He got out and opened my door. "I just want to go home..." "I know Andy." If he knew then why was I here? "Please just take me home." He gently pulled me out of the car but I just fell to the ground in tears. "I want to go home.." He picked me up and walked me inside. "Shh sh sh, its okay baby."

We got to his apartment and he opened the door, walking inside with me in his arms. "I want to go home!" I tried to get down but he was much stronger then me and brought me to his bed. "Ashley please!" He laid me down and took hold of one of my shoes, I fought but he eventually slid it off. He did the same with my other shoe and sat me up taking my jacket too. He quickly did the same and laid down next to me. "Your okay Andy, everythings okay." I shook my head as he pulled the blanket over us. "Take me home!" "Shhhh." He put his arms around me and pulled me closer so my face was on his shirt. "Go to sleep Andy." "I don't want to. I just want to go home." "Close your eyes." I shook my head and tried to get up but his grip on me was tight. "A-Ashley let me go..." "I know you're scared Andy but everythings going to be okay."

Was I scared? I didn't think about it like that but now that I did I realized how terrified I was.

"No-o it won't." "Yes it will, stop fighting me away." "But I just want to go to my p-place, please." "Andy just take a little nap and then you can go home. I promise." I hesitated, but calmed down and stopped fighting. I just laid into his chest for what seemed like forever.