Both Sides | ✓

New Perspectives- Part 2

River.

"Boy-girl," was what kids called them after they came out. "Boy-girl, why do you dress like that?" "Boy-girl, why do you sit in the back of the room?" "Boy-girl, nobody wants you here."

And it wasn't that River particularly hated the nickname, if you could even call it that. Sure, it wasn't endearing or friendly, but it also wasn't a lie. River often looked in the mirror and couldn't make out a specific boy or girl. They felt like something else entirely, the dash in the middle of the nickname. Something hovering beside boy and girl in an indecisive scribble. River wasn't like the kids at school. They weren't loud or happy or bubbly. They cowered in corners and actively avoided interaction. It was better this way, they thought.

It was a Thursday- the 3rd Thursday into sophomore year- and River could feel someone's eyes drilling into their back from the moment they stepped into school. They didn't dare turn around, though. River simply continued through the hallway and crashed into a chair when arriving at their classroom. Through the doorway came a boy, his hair spiked and red, his freckles persistent and messy. This was Arlo Lee, who talked loud and often. Today, his eyes were stuck to River's with something unreadable lingering behind them.

"Boy-girl," he said with a grin and approached their desk. "What is it today, hm? Do you have a dick or a pussy?"

River exhaled through their nose and looked elsewhere, fishing through their bag for something to distract them.

"Don't be shy! C'mon, answer the question."

"Go away, Arlo," they said, barely over a whisper. He leaned forward with a hand pressed to his ear and River repeated.

"Oh, please. I'm not leaving so soon! You haven't answered my question yet."

River stayed silent, but imagined standing up and gripping the back of Arlo's hair and shoving his forehead into the desk. They imagined watching as students around them screamed and Arlo's head leaked blood. After a moment, he spoke again.

"You know, I was talking to a couple guys on the team and they think you're super hot. I mean, on the days when you're a girl, that is. Would you think about fucking them? When you don't have a dick?"

"Arlo, please," they begged as eyes began to look towards the table. But, Arlo simply laughed an obnoxious laugh and shook his head.

"You're not allowed to just make up whatever you want to be and expect everyone to go along with it," he said. "If you want to be some boy-girl, then you should also get that some people are going to wanna beat the shit out of you." River gulped and Arlo smiled. "Like, I can't just wake up one morning and think, 'Today, I'm going to be an elf!' because that's not how the fucking world works."

"I'm not... I don't think-"

"Boy-girl, listen: all I want is for you to understand how sick you are," Arlo's smile dipped into an exaggerated frown. "I'm worried about you! I think you have some real mental disorders."

River was trembling, focusing on objects around the classroom to calm themself. They had never felt rage like this before. The bullying from other students was never this stubborn. They backed down after a few jokes. But here was Arlo: towering over them like a supervillain with a pearly, sick grin and determined eyes.

"Have you lost your voice, boy-girl?"

"I... I don't have mental disorders."

"Really? Because, you're stuck on this idea that you're some random gender. It's weird."

River shook their head to themself, wishing to erase time. They would erase ever coming out, erase letting themself think this was normal. With a swift wipe, they would become just like everyone else.