Playing the Game

Chapter 38: Little Red

I hated myself for how I left things with Reegan.

I basically forgot about her during the entirety of the tournament, assuming that everything would just work out once I rescued my brother after the final event. How was I supposed to break us all out of the gladiator's tunnels? And would I even have time to find Reegan in the palace wherever Shailene and Tiberius were staying? Would I just leave her behind? Most likely.

Even though I was thankful that I never had to work that scenario out, I still felt awful for basically leaving her behind. Things were different with Evander and the scruffy-... Arrian. They knew about my identity all along, and they weren't aware of my survival in the palace cells.

I lied to Reegan. I told her I was a boy and that I would help her escape from Tiberius and Shailene. Instead, I put our escape plans on hold so I could compete in the tournament for my brother. She had to watch as her dream of freedom crumbled as I revealed myself in the Capitol arena, was tortured, and then dragged off to either die or remain imprisoned. For over three months, she felt defeated and alone.

Sure, I saved her in the end by bringing her to the palace as a Lady's companion, but that didn't make up for everything.

And after roaming the halls of the palace in a rage over what Arrian had done to me, I began to realize that I was not much better at trusting people. I may not have had a history with Reegan, but she had become a good friend who I probably shouldn't have lied to in the first place. I should have just been Candra around her, just as the scruffy man should have been Arrian around me.

I found her roaming the palace gardens later that afternoon with Phaedra. They seemed to be taking a break from training before dinner. I was momentarily startled by their appearances, forgetting that they would no longer be wearing dresses with Shailene's house colours. Now they were both in beautifully embroidered gowns, one pastel blue and the other rose pink, with jewels draped around their necks and wrists. They looked just as expensive as Lady Torrann and Lady Melina did on a regular basis. Even though Reegan and Phaedra didn't come from wealthy families, they had to look the part to be in my company. I could only assume that Camilla looked the same, and was probably skipping through the halls merrily at her good fortune.

Both girls stopped walking and chatting abruptly when they saw me turn onto their pathway. They curtsied and muttered their greetings as instructed, and then uncomfortably waited for me to make a move.

"Phaedra, could you give me a moment alone with Reegan?"

"Of course, my Lady." She curtsied once more before scurrying off.

Arlo surveyed the situation and our surroundings. After deciding that there was no immediate threat in the gardens, he took our awkward silence as his cue to take a few steps back. After the morning's incident I knew that he would still be able to hear us, but at least he gave the illusion of privacy. I couldn't help but smile when he leaned against a nearby archway and began fidgeting with one of his knives, ready in a pinch.

Reegan rocked on the balls of her feet, uncomfortable and nervous.

I took a deep breath before declaring, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry for everything, Reegan. I lied to you. It was selfish of me and you didn't deserve it." My words came tumbling out, fast and sloppy in my haste to get everything off my chest in hopes that she would one day forgive me. "I should have told you who I was right from the start. Changing my name and gender was insane; I honestly don't know why I thought it was important. And then I basically abandoned you and our plan for escape the moment I heard that my brother was in the Capitol tournament. I should have at least found a way to give you your freedom before I let my selfish desire take hold. I made you a promise, and I was real shit at keeping it. Even now you're still stuck in service! I may have finally pulled you free from Shailene, but only to trap you in the palace! I wish I could just let you go, but the Emperor and the Prince won't allow it; I can't just take other people's servants just to let them go. Now I can't guarantee that it will be any better in the palace, what with all the assassination attempts and what not, but at least I can honestly say that I won't be anything like Shailene. You'll barely have to do anything! Just stand by me at parties and ride with me in carriages. You don't even have to talk to me if you don't want to, Red..."