If only } finnick odair

Chapter 17~ looks like I'm insane

When I'm cleared to leave the hospital Finnick carries me to my room.

Jezebel carries my clothes from the games that still have blood stains on them. I can still smell the arena.

Finnick sits me down on the bed then goes to get some comfortable clothes for me.

"Your clothes had a few things you may have wanted to keep." She hands me a small bag with the necklace Finnick gave me and the note from the parachute. I smile. "Thank you Jezebel." She nods taking the clothes out of my room leaving me alone with my thoughts and the tokens from the games.

Sylvie cracked jokes about Finnick and I since we met. The thought of those moments make me smile but guilty for killing her. No Daphne you didn't kill her. That was Camden. Camden killed her. Just like he killed Dariel.

Dariel. The small boy from District 11 with chocolate skin and eyes. Who picked at the skin around his nails as a nervous habit. Who hugged me before he went hunting with Sylvie. The two kids both died because of me. I feel my hands go into my hair as I try to knock the thoughts out of my head. Hot tears stream down my face almost mimicking blood. All I feel is blood on my hands. Owen's blood. I feel his hands all over my body.

Suddenly I'm back in the games standing in between the boys from District 1 and District 12. I look down and see Dariel dead in the snow with a pool of blood around him. I turn around and see Camden holding a knife to Sylvie's throat. It all becomes so much I fall off the pedestal and a loud band occurs and I'm instantly brought out of that vision and back in my room of the capital.

"DAPHNE DAPHNE IT'S OKAY I'M RIGHT HERE!", Finnick exclaims to snap me out of it. Why didn't I hear him.

"Am I going insane?", I ask turning to face him shaking with tears streaming down my face. He shakes his head and wipes a few tears. "Not in the slightest. The games mess us all up a little."

I lean into his touch feeling an instant relief and safety. "Whatcha got there?", he asks motioning towards my hands. "Just the necklace you let me use and the note from the parachute."

I start to hand him the necklace back. "Keep it. Until you're ready to give it to your next tribute that you really want to make it."

"What if I want every one of them to make it?" He takes the necklace and fastens it around my neck.

"You'll know. I know I did." "Are you sure it wasn't just because you had a crush on me?" He chuckles. "That may have been part of it, but you just get this feeling. Mags had hers for over 50 years before she knew who to give it to. I smile.

"Go change. I'll be here waiting on you." And I do. I change out of the hospital gown into the soft lavender hoodie and black shorts Finnick picked out for me.

"I thought the hoodie would make you feel safe after everything." I smile at him. "You'll stay right?" He smiles back. "As long as you want me to."

We sit down on the window seat in my room looking out on the city below. "Do you ever wonder what life would be like as one of them?", I ask.

He nods, "Often actually. Must be nice to not have to be worried about the games or have everlasting damage from them."

My feet rest in his lap. That's when I remember something. "What about my victor interview. I can't put shoes on with my ankle wrapped up like this." "You wont have to do it for a few weeks."

"I don't think I'll be able to watch them die again." "When I did my interview I forced myself to zone out. That way I couldn't see everybody I killed die again."

"You can force yourself to zone out?", I ask. He nods.

"Focus on an object and just think about anything that makes you happy." I do. I look at the shoe rack in the corner of my room where my parade shoes still resign. I think about that day. When I first met Finnick. We were in school, neither of us really knew each other but at the hob is where we had our first conversation. He talked about little things he noticed about me. I feel myself smile.

The feeling of a hand on my knee snaps me out of my thoughts." "Sorry.", he says moving his hand away. I shake my head, "You're okay." We remain in silence a little longer. "How's your ankle?", he asks. I shrug my shoulders, "It'll be fine."

"Will you stay with me tonight please?" He nods, "Of course. However long you want me to stay." "Does forever work?" He smiles and places a light kiss on my lips. "Perfect."