When I Don't Remember You (Percico)

Chapter One: I'm Still Learning To Love

Percy Jackson

I think I was still processing most of this week's events- and lack thereof, when Annabeth asked if we could talk in private after we got back to camp from the meeting on Olympus where I was, for some gods awful reason, offered to be a god.

"Seaweed Brain!" My second best friend (and first girl friend, with a heavy space in between girl and friend) called after me, causing me turn around to see her flash me a smile as she caught up with me.

"Hey, Wise Girl," I returned as we started to step in time with each other. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?" Annabeth asked me.

"We are talking," I reminded her in spite of my nickname. "right now."

She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, no duh, Seaweed Brain," she said in return as if I was the one that asked if we could do something we were already doing. "I'm asking if you have a few minutes to talk. Like, in private?"

It's going to be about me giving Luke the dagger isn't it?

"Oh uh... Yeah," I figured, trying to shove my thoughts away for now. "I have nothing to do right now. What's up?"

We sat down at one of the docks by the lake, my legs swinging off while she kept hers crossed, and I started to realize that she seemed a little nervous behind the calm facade she was putting up right now.

Luckily, she didn't seem angry, but I didn't like nervous much more than angry.

At least I can think of a reason that she would be angry right now.

Not super angry but... Upset maybe? Frustrated?

Little did I know how much more upset she was about to become with me.

"So I wanted to talk to you about this a long time ago," Annabeth started off, which really didn't help my nerves about her nerves. "But everyone kind of thought you were going to die today because of the Prophecy, which obviously, you know, so I haven't said anything about it, but now you're not dead so I can talk to you about it."

"About... What?" I questioned, because she never stalls like this.

It annoys her when people stall, because they won't just get to the point.

So why is she stalling?

"So we've always like, been close," one of my best friend continues on. "Close friends, that is. We've been through like, so much together. A million quests, it feels like, and a lot of other small, stupid things when we're not off saving the world or whatever. And I always have a great time and I really like to be around you and do stuff together.'

But this is... This isn't new information.

"I... I like hanging out with you, too," I reassured Annabeth. "What does my previously possible death have to... What does that have to do with it?"

And she takes his really big breath like she's preparing to tell me that my mom didn't survive the battle in the city even though I know she did and that her dad was offering to take me in.

It's an obscure situation, but most demigod situations seem to be and I couldn't think of what else she felt like she had to preface that with.

Like, of course I like hanging out with Annabeth. She's my friend.

"I-" and she closes her mouth for a moment, thinking. "I wanted to tell you after the Labyrinth last year, but I ended up not doing it and um..."

"Wise Girl, you're stalling."

"I know- I..." And she stops again, for whatever reason. As if we don't know almost everything about each other.

But then she does it. She spits it out.

"I like you," Annabeth confesses to something that I've tried to avoid thinking about over the years of our friendship (which is harder said than done when most of the counsel thinks you should be together), but mostly disregarded after the meeting earlier this week after Beckendorf- after he died. "I couldn't take the offer to join the Hunt as cool as it would've been because I like you and I was terrified of you taking Zeus' offer earlier of becoming a god because I like you and... Yeah. I feel like most people think we're either dating already or that we should be so I feel like it's not a big surprise, but maybe if you want to go out for dinner tonight before I have to fly out, I can pay and we'll call it a date?"

But as she's talking, I'm harshly reminded of a fact that I always manage to forget.

That nobody here knows that I'm gay.

Actually, I remembered that I was gay because I tend to not think about it, but you get the point.

"Yeah, um..." But now it's uncomfortable because people always joke with us, but I'm gay, so it was always just that: a joke. "About that."

But why can't a girl and a guy just be friends, right? Why does one always have the like the other? Or why does everyone have to assume that they should or want to date the other?

"I don't... Want to date you," but rejection always feels shitty, right? That's a normal feelings. "You're like, my best friend and I love you like my sister, Annabeth, but um... Yeah. I don't... Like you like that."

And rejection is hard to receive.

"But when you asked for a kiss for good luck-"

"It was a joke," I explained something I thought she already knew, but that just meant that we misunderstood a lot of things about each other over the years I'm pretty sure. "I didn't- it didn't mean..."

But it's been a long day and she isn't take the news well because we're 16 and rejection is hard and I feel really shitty right now but she probably feels a lot worse and usually Annabeth is the composed one so I don't know how to handle watching her shut down from the news. From my ramblings.

"I'm sorry," I apologized as my anxiety started to crawl into my brain, panic starting to settle in the bottom of my chest. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, I didn't- had I known that you... I wouldn't have ever... I'm sorry."

"It- it's okay, Percy."

No it's not.

"I'm going to just... Head back to my cabin," but of course she wanted to leave because who the hell would want to stay here right now. "Um... Yeah. It's okay, don't worry about it. I'll see you around."

She doesn't want to be your friend anymore.

"See ya."

Why couldn't you develop feelings for her like a normal fucking person would?

Sitting on the dock, I wanted to run away and leave and get the fuck out here after this long ass week and I never wanted to come back and have to face anyone about what just happened because Annabeth is like, the person here and I just rejected her because I can't return her feelings.

As much as I wanted to get as far away as possible, though, I couldn't find myself able to move. My ass was stuck to the dock as if one of the Hermes kids rigged it to trap whatever demigod sat on it next, but worse than that was probably the fact that there was a ball lodged in the middle of my chest and I couldn't... I can't breathe... I can't-

Why can't I be a normal kid?

•••
Hi!!! It's me with another story and I'm 20 now!!! Which is crazy because I'm pretty sure I've been publishing on here since I was like,,, 12? Middle school. But I'm really excited for this and i have a cover idea in mind I just don't have time to do it currently with finals so it should come sometime soon!!!