When I Don't Remember You (Percico)

Chapter Thirty Five: When I'm Here

Sally Jackson

With Nico not around, it got lonely pretty fast again.

The woman who Nico always called my girlfriend despite the fact that we were never properly together moved out of state to be closer to home because of things going on with her own family, so we talk a little, but it's hard to find the energy.

I have confirmation that he's alive now, thanks to Grovers link with Percy, but that's all I know, and it just...

I'm still worried.

Overall, things have just felt slow lately, so it was odd to get a message from an old friend of mine on a random Tuesday after getting off work.

Elena: Hi, Sally, it's Elena! It's been a really long time since we talked, sorry about that, but I was wondering if you'd want to meet up soon and chat? You still live in Manhattan right?

Sally: Hey! Don't worry, were both busy adults, I totally get it. And sure, besides work, I don't have much going on. Are you here for vacation or something else?

Elena: I just moved here, actually! My job relocated me and it was either here or Tokyo, and I know English much better than Japanese. Plus, I don't know anyone in Tokyo. It can be like when we were kids again!

Humored by the idea, I responded to say that I'd be down to meet any time after I get off work, which is usually by like, 3.

Elena is a friend of mine from childhood. We grew up together in Sao Paulo until my uncle won the green card lottery for us and we moved here right before he got diagnosed with cancer when I was like 14 or 15, and because of that and the lack of money, I haven't been able to go back ever.

I want to, one day. To bring Percy and show him where I'm from and where our family is because we do have family there, I just talk to them very rarely because it's been 20 years since I've seen any of them.

Since I've been here, though, Elena has visited a few times. Once like a year after we moved and before my uncle died, once while I was pregnant with Percy, and once while Percy was at Yancy.

We've talked beyond those three times she visited, I just got really depressed last summer because I was worried about Percy dying and got really bad at keeping up with people that I didn't see every day, and then Paul and I broke up because he didn't know that I'm not straight and it made me feel really shitty, and then Percy went missing and I hit my lowest point in years.

The only reason I haven't been evicted from our apartment is Rachel's family because I wasn't able to pay rent for like the first three months that Percy was gone.

I also made no progress on my book during that time and I keep trying to make progress and it's just shit so... Yeah.

Getting home, I cleaned up the apartment a bit since Elena asked if tonight would be okay, and it's not like I had literally anything else to do, so I said sure. Tried to not explode while I cleaned the place because without Nico stopping by, I've had no reason to clean, so it was really bad and kind of overwhelming.

The only bright side to Percy going missing, and I don't think I'd even call it a bright side, is that the Dares basically forced me to go to therapy after I had multiple breakdowns and couldn't work and wasn't getting better, and by going to therapy, I found out that the anxiety that Percy has is probably genetic because I also have it, and my mom might've also had it. I've been trying to find her medical files, but I don't have anyone's numbers from back in Brazil to get it and I can't exactly afford to just go to Brazil.

It's been weird, though, since I've been diagnosed.

Because nothing changed, right? It's just that I have a word for why I respond to things the way I do now, but I'm so much older than most people are when they're diagnosed so it's just... Weird.