pahimakas

01

2 years.

It's been 2 years, 2 years since my mom passed away, 2 years since i left my hometown, 2 years since i started to live here in Australia, 2 years of living the life my mom wished me to have.

My mom's last wish for me was, for me to study here in Australia and live with my Dad. I wouldn't call him that, 'cause he's never been my dad. Simula nung iniwan niya kami ni Mom dahil sa first love niya. Yes, he left me together with my mom, who was sick, just for him to be with the girl he loved the most.

Napaka daya niya, sobra. Iniwan niya kaming sira ni Mom, habang siya masaya sa taong mahal niya. Minahal siya ni Mommy ng sobra.

siya ba, minahal niya din ba si mommy?

You guys might be thinking, why did you came here in Australia? Why didn't you just continue your life there in the Philippines, was it because of your dad's privileges? It was because of my mom, it was her last wish. 

She wants me to have a good life with my dad's new family. She thought i'll be happy with my dad and his new family, pero hindi. 'Pag nakikita ko si dad at 'yung asawa niya, para akong sinasaksak sa puso. Naalala ko kung pa'no nag magmakaawa si mom kay dad na 'wag kaming iwan at kung pa'no umiyak si mom gabi-gabi dahil sa kanilang dalawa. i feel suffocated. 

Naalala ko nung grade 1 ako, Family day. Gusto ni mom na ma-experience ko 'to, kahit wala si dad. 'Yung mga bata sa school, may mga tatay. Their dad's would carry them, while feeding them biscuits, or habang nilalaro sila. 

I was holding my mom's hand looking at them, full of jealousy. "Mommy, asan si Daddy?" that's what I used to ask my mom. She always tells me na "Your dad is just busy working, para madami kang toys." she smiled. But, that smile seems so sad. She knows that my dad left us because of the girl he loved first. 

She loves me more than anyone. She is the best, and even now that she's gone, She will forever be my mom, my dad, my best friend, and my superhero.

I've made up my mind. I want to live the life I want, the life I left there at the Philippines. My memories with my mom, my relatives, my friends, everything is there. I wanna go back to where I belong.

Tumakbo ako papuntang garahe at bumusina ako para mapagbuksan ako ng gate ng guard. I have a smile written on my face and drops of tears.