In my wildest dreams

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It's been a week since Luca died, and I haven't stopped crying since. His funeral was two days ago, and I miss him so much. I'm in the car to go and visit his grave. I have his favorite flowers: Pink Daisies. I try my hardest to not cry. Mainly cause I'm driving and cause Levi is here.

We're silent the whole car ride there. I'm sure he wanted to say something, but there isn't much to say other than "Sorry" and I really don't want to hear that again. We approach Luca's grave, and tears immediately flood down my face.

Why did he have to die? I already miss us cuddling at night and laughing with each other in the morning. Just the mere thought of his touch makes me want to curl up and sob forever. I feel Levi's arms hug me; he's crying too. Even if Luca is... dead... Levi hugging me feels like cheating on them.

I clench the pink daisy bouquet and put it on his grave. "Luca..." I mutter, but I don't have much to say. It's all bunched in my head. I feel bitter and cold, but it's not my fault. Luca would say it's normal. He would. I sniff and stand back up to let Levi give Luca flowers himself.

I read the engraved words a million times, over and over. Words that state he's truly dead. I rub my tired eyes. "Want some alone time with Luca?" Levi asks. His voice was breaking, and they're still tears in his eyes. As much as I want to say yes, Luca would tell me to let Levi talk to him first cause I have to be kind or whatever. "You can go first," I say; harshly and walk away.

I sit down on a bench and take off my jacket. It was once Luca's it even smells like him too. He had a delightful scent of flowers, either lavender or daisies; if daisies even have a smell, he'd smell like them. I hug his jacket and sob into it. I want to kill the guy who killed Luca. He's in jail now for drunk driving, but he deserves to be killed himself.

I hear footsteps and clear my tears. "Hey, Light... You can talk to him now." Levi says, sitting next to me. I get up quickly and head over to his grave. I tie his jacket around my shoulders and kneel in front of his grave.

"I miss you, Luca." I cried. I know they can't hear me, but I'd like to think they can. "The guy's in jail now, just so... you know... but I think he should have been executed." I force a chuckle. I want to pretend this is someone else's grave and not Luca's. I want to pretend Luca is here mourning some loser with me and not me mourning him without Luca.

"I love you, Luca..." I whimper. I lean in and kiss his stone before standing up. I walk over to Levi. "Let's go, Levi." He smiles and nods. Smiles. How could he smile when his brother died? I want to punch him. But I don't. I calm down and give a 'smile' back. We both head over to the car; he's holding my shoulder the whole way. "I can drive, Light." I'm tired, so I nod and sit in the passenger's seat. He begins driving; I fall asleep.