In my wildest dreams

..

I wake up in my bed. What used to be me and Luca's bed. I'm in the same clothing as yesterday, and the sun is shining--as if everything is alright--even though it isn't for a lot of people, including me. I check the time. Luca would have woken up two hours ago and tried to wake me up an hour ago. It's now 8 AM, and I don't have an ounce of motivation to get out of bed.

I hear the doorbell ring. I probably have to get that, huh? I slowly climb out of bed and head downstairs. I open the door. It's Alex. "Hey, bro..." She greets. "Hey, Alex." She gives me a long hug. I hug back, she's my sister, and I really need one right now. "May I come in?" She asks, pointing into my home. "Whatever," I say, stepping aside. She walks in.

I feel a bit embarrassed about my home. I probably shouldn't have let her in. It's a mess. I would clean a little, but Luca would do most of the cleaning. Now he's dead; I don't even bother. She puts a little gift box and the counter and sits down on the couch. I sit down too but not close to her. I look away to a table with DoorDash bags stacked atop it. I don't really feel like talking right now.

"I got you something." She says. I nod and grab the gift box. I pull out daisy earrings. I look at my sister in confusion. "I know you miss Luca, and he left these earrings at my place before he uh..." she trails off, "yeah. Anyways, I thought you'd like to have them?" I gaze at them. They are Luca's earrings. Or were. I check to make sure the holes in my earlobes are still there and put them in. I put the gift box down on the coffee table.

"I know Luca's death is hard. It's hard on all of us." I clench my teeth in anger. It's hard on you? You look just fine to me. "We'll be taking a break, but you can be on a break for however long you want, okay?" I nod. I play with the earrings. Luca's earrings. "I'll be going now. Take care, brother!" She exclaims while walking out the door. I shrug and lay back down on the couch.

I look at Luca's earrings again. He always wore these on our date nights. Then after the date nights, he would take us to our "special place." A valley full of flowers and fireflies. It was special then, but now that Luca's gone, it's not special anymore. I grip a pillow and sob into the cushions. "Luca..." I wail. What am I to expect? That Luca's just going to walk through the front door, maybe Luca saying: "It's a prank!" and I punch him in the arm, and we laugh it off? Unrealistic.

I attempt to sit up, but my arms buckle beneath me, and I fall back onto the couch. I wipe away my tears to clear my vision. I try again and successfully sit up. I calm myself down and then stand up, walking upstairs to our-... my room. I look around for anything belonging to Luca. I have his jacket and his earrings, but I want more of him. As much of him as I can get.

I find a shirt of his. It was a bit oversized on him so it'll be like a dress on me. I find some shorts of his. They might be a little big, but it should be fine. I find his hair clip: it's a pink daisy. He'd wear this on Sundays and Sundays only. I never really found out why but I find it really cute. I hurry to put on everything of his, tossing my own clothes to the side. The shirt and shorts are big on me, but it's not like anyone's going to see anyways.

I lay on the bed and hug his jacket. I wish I could hug the real him. I would lay atop him while he would watch some TikToks. I miss that. I glance at the clock. 9 AM. It's only been an hour? The days have been so long without Luca. I sniffle, hiding more into the covers.

I open my eyes. Did I fall asleep? I look at the clock: 8 PM. I rub my eyes in an attempt to wake myself up. My stomach grumbles but I don't feel like cooking. Luca would cook the meals. They would make steak or even tacos and it'd be the tastiest thing ever. He is a really good cook. Or was a really good cook. I reach for my phone and order some food. Tacos sound fine. I pay and throw my phone onto the nightstand. Now to wait about 20-30 minutes. I will just lay in my bed 'till the deliverer comes.

The doorbell rings, over and over. Give me a second will you? I scramble out of bed and slump downstairs. I open the door to a familiar face. This guy has had to deliver all my food for the past weeks. "Here you go! Have a good day!" I shrug and slam the door in his face. Good day? Whatever.

I throw the DoorDash bag in the pile and bite into my taco. It doesn't taste as good as Luca's tacos. He'd always make those on Tuesdays. I play with my taco before taking another bite. I finally finish my taco and wipe my mouth with a napkin. I don't want to ruin a shirt that has Luca's scent. Like how I do with my shirts.

Time for another restless night.