How to Love

Chapter 4

ARIELA

"What happened to you again?" Noah asks, exasperated. "And where are your goddam keys?"

"Nothing, I just bruised my knee this afternoon. And I couldn't find them earlier. I might have left them at Eli's."

Noah gives me a side-eye. "Sometimes, I wonder how is it that Zion is more organized than you. You're all over the place, Ari."

Everything is always so serious with this guy. I can retrieve my keys at Eli's tomorrow. It's not a big deal. But he is right, though; I need to stay on top of things this month, especially when studying. There is no way I could fail this test a second time. 

"Where's Zion?"

Noah points toward the dining room. I limp in that direction. Zion is seated in the dining room chair, writing his homework. I kiss him on the forehead. He pushes me away, grimacing. 

He wipes his forehead. "You have to stop acting like I am a baby. I'm almost nine years old!"

I sit next to him. "It doesn't matter if you're five or twenty-five; you will always be my baby." 

He smiles and rolls his eyes. Noah goes to the kitchen and brings back some snacks to eat. 

"What are you working on?" I ask Zion. 

"I have to do a presentation of my family tree tomorrow. Uncle Noah was helping me fill in some blanks." He hesitates. "He said to wait for you to work on the rest." 

I always have a hard time with those types of homework. Elementary school teachers are so nosey!

"What other parts do you need help with?" I ask, uncertain about what's to come next. 

"Hum... They are asking questions about—you know—about my parents and their parents..." Zion usually is articulate, but he wasn't making much sense now. He seems nervous, which is a novelty coming from him. 

"Can I see what you have so far?" I ask. 

I wasn't sure what to do. I purposely avoided until now talking about this. The topic never came up previously, and it was fine by me. Today was not the time to discuss our family. Especially when that same family didn't want anything to do with him and me. Even Noah got pulled into this mess because of us. 

He shows me the genealogy tree. On the bottom of the page was a picture of him. He put my name as his mother and Noah as his uncle on the right. On top of us, there were some blank spaces for my parents. I look at the left side of the tree allocated for the father's side of the family. It's blank—my heart stings. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him.

"For your grandparents, you can add Leon and Sandie Winchester. They are Noah and I's parents."

He writes it down. I can tell there is so much more he wants to ask about it, but he doesn't, and that's a relief. I didn't want him to ask why we don't talk to them anymore. I wasn't sure how I could answer that without potentially hurting his feelings.

"W—What about... this side?" He points at the left side of the tree. 

I sigh. "There is not much to say about this side, Zion." I take a deep breath, trying to gather my thoughts. "You know, every family is different. Some kids, like Nova, have two parents: a dad and a mom. Other times, they have two dads or two moms. And there are families like us, where it's only one parent." 

I stop and study his expression. He's disappointed. That's not the response that he wanted nor deserved. However, there was nothing else to say about his dad and family. He let me know that he didn't want anything to do with us. Another thing I couldn't tell Zion without hurting his feelings. 

"However," I continue. I hold his hand. "You are so lucky because you have so many people who adore you and would do anything for you. For example, you have your uncle Noah, Jesse, Amani and Nova."

He nods, but I can tell that he is not happy with my answer. I am not satisfied with it either, but there was nothing else to say about this. 

He takes his things and gets up. "I'm done with my homework. I think I'll go to sleep now."

It's only 7 PM, but I know it's his way to tell me that he wants to be alone. I let him go upstairs to his room.

Noah and I stay in silence in the kitchen for a while. I turn to him. Surprisingly, he had nothing to say now. For the last couple of months, he has been on my case about telling Zion about our family. I can tell he has something that he's debating sharing with me.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Perhaps it could be beneficial for Zion to know about his father and grandparents..." He responds calmly. He knows to be delicate with this matter because I get defensive about it.

"No," I say. "I won't allow it."

It becomes more challenging for me to contain my anger at this point. 

I look around to make sure Zion is no longer here and lower my voice. "I have no interest in bringing Dro or our parents around my son. I have protected Zion for the last eight years; I don't know why I would stop now."

"You can't protect him forever, Ari. He's getting older now. At some point, Zion will become more curious about his roots and will start asking questions. Today is a great example of that. This explanation you just gave him works for now, but it won't be enough for him soon. You can't hide his family forever."

"I'm not hiding anything. Please don't act like it's my fault Dro and our parents didn't want to be part of his life. They all made it clear to me. And he—he isn't ready to face all of this."

"You mean you aren't ready."

I frown at him, taken aback by his comment. 

"I know you care about him. And I—I appreciate all you've done for us. But I'm his mom, and ultimately, I will decide what's best for my son."

"I am sorry," he responds. "I am sure this isn't an easy situation for you. I want to respect your decision, Ari—"

"Then, do that." I cut him off. I get up. "Respect my decision."

I hobble to my room upstairs. I fight the tears and wipe them off as soon as they reach my cheeks. I hated that Zion had to go through this. Of course, I preferred the alternative, where we could all be a happy family.

I'm mad. 

I'm mad at Zion's teacher for giving him this stupid homework. 

I am mad at Noah for not understanding where I was coming from.

I am mad at Dro and my parents for abandoning us when we needed them the most. 

But most importantly, I am mad at myself because I was not good enough of a reason to make them stay. 

Author's note:

Oh, poor Ari! This is a complex situation to be in. Did you think she handled the genealogy question well? Which side are you on? Noah or Ari's side? 

More updates are coming soon! Please don't forget to leave comments on your favourite parts and vote for your favourite chapters!