How to Love

Chapter 5

LUCA

Eli and I were always close. We were only two years apart, but our moms made us do everything together. We were raised more like siblings than cousins, although it is still blurry how our moms are related.

We were the first kids born from our moms' group of friends. Because of how close we were in age, we were always compared by family members. I am the youngest of the two of us, but I was always labelled as the responsible one.

I was the big shot, the success story of my family. My mom was proud and never missed a chance to boast about her son, the investment banker, to her friends, family and colleagues.

I was always first in my class from elementary school to college. I received a full-ride scholarship to study Mathematics at the University of Toronto. Within my first year of college, I was already halfway through making a six-figure salary through internships, scholarships and on-campus work.

I had done everything required of me at an early age. By 24, I was making more money than I could spend working at a top investment firm in downtown Toronto. I had bought my first condo and was on the verge of proposing to my long-time girlfriend.

It looked like I had my life all figured out on paper.

But I wouldn't say I liked any of it.

I hated it. It never felt like me.

Meanwhile, Eli just lived life as he pleased, not worried about the future or what people thought of him. It felt like he had lived a lifetime of experiences and tried many different things, free of expectations and labels. I always envied him for that. While I was racking up awards, degrees, and promotions, Eli travelled the world, picked up new hobbies, and lived life.

Eli always tried different things without worrying about being the best in them. He tried other hobbies: painting, singing, cooking, writing, etc. Name it; he probably tried it. I would shy away from anything that wouldn't provide instant results. Everything, to my eyes, was seen as an investment, a transaction. I was miserable.

One day, I woke up and decided I had enough. I quit my job.

Needless to say that my mom was livid. I left my job with nothing planned.

I went from being the success story of my family to the black sheep. It almost felt like my value to them was diminished because I could no longer provide them with what they wanted from me.

As soon as she realized that I wasn't going back to my old position, even my girlfriend quickly replaced me with someone else.

"You're just too hard to deal with. Our personalities don't match." She said to me before she moved out of our condo.

I was devastated.

"You're just sitting on your ass moping all day. You can do that at the beach." Eli told me when he found out my girlfriend had left me. He was backpacking through Thailand and had stopped at Koh Samui to do Muay Thai training.

For the second time in my life, I made another rash decision and booked a one-way ticket to Thailand. I stayed there for a couple of months before finding a teaching position in Korea.

All of that, to come back to my old life and not being able to get my job back. I couldn't even get hired for that tutoring job for Eli's friend. She barely knew me and even felt like I was a handful to deal with.

She didn't want to be there with me during the whole car ride. She looked so uncomfortable that it made me feel bad. I truly believed that she declined to get tutored by me because I saw the manga she read, but she made it evident that I was the problem.

When I return to the apartment, Eli is already home. He is scrolling through his phone.

"Having a rough day?" He asks, sipping on a can of beer.

I shrug. I take a beer from the fridge and sit on the sofa next to him.

"It looks like you left your phone here." He sighs. "Tia Carmen kept calling it."

Oh, my mom probably was calling to learn about that job interview I thought I would get. I grimace; I'll deal with her tomorrow.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What's up?" He doesn't take his sight out of his phone.

"Do you think I am a lot to deal with?"

He stops scrolling and turns toward me. "I mean, you are a little intense. But that's part of your charm, though." He puts his phone away. "Is this about Ari?"

"She said our personalities don't match."

Eli thinks about it and then shakes his head. "I doubt it. She is probably intimidated by you." He responds calmly. "She looked like a scared puppy next to you."

"Oh?" Was I intimidating? I doubt it. 

"Your face," he points towards me, "can be too serious. But that's part of your charm, though." He pats my back. "Next time, try smiling. It might help you gain points with her."