Secretly always yours

No undoing damage

You open your mouth and you can't control the words that are coming out, "I have no idea what is happening, I like Andrej and he is so sweet and nice and I would never want to hurt him, but I can't stop thinking about Matt. When I look at you and patryk I think of him, and not Andrej, what is going on?" You say shoving your hands into your face. "oh. Uhm not what I expected but maybe try telling Andrej about these things and you can get through it and be healthy again." Says Zosia with a warm smile. "but that's the thing, I don't want it to be fixed, I want to be with Matt!" You say with a confused look. Zosias face turned pale. "Are you saying that you'd dump Andrej for Matt? How can you do that?"  She says and walks out. I've known Zosia for a long time, and even tho that me and her are best friends no matter what, she can't stand it when the people she love get hurt. And judging by the fact that I want to be with Matt.. she isn't too pleased. I wish there were a way that I wouldn't hurt Andrej in the process.. I go into the classroom and Zosia is already sitting with patryk taking funny photos and videos as if she never stormed out of the bathroom. You go and sit down and you look at Andrej and he gives you the biggest smile, it breaks you knowing that you want to dump him because you love matt as well. You have the perfect life, or so everyone tells you, but you don't see that perfect life without Matt..
Polish school ends and Andrej comes up to you asking if you need a ride home. Zosia looks at you and then walks away looking upset, patryk hugging her and walking her by the waist. Andrej asks what was that all about. "Oh uhm I'll tell you in the car." You say while looking away. "Oh uhm okay" and you both head to the car. You both get in the car and you tell him that you need to tel him something. He looks concerned but he says okay. "Listen i just want you to know that whatever I'm about to say doesn't change how much I love you and value you okay? I've been thinking-" he looks pale and gulps, "every time i see a couple, I used to think about me and you, but now all I can think of is Matt" his eyes widen and you could tell that his heart sank to the bottom of the depths of the earth. "that doesn't change how I feel about you, because I love you so much, but I just have to know what these feelings mean, so I think that until I know for certain how I feel about this, I think we need a break.." you say tearing up. He takes a few moments before responding, "I see.. uhm.. so do you still need that ride?" He says with a shaken up voice. "I mean only if you want to.." you say, "yea it's no problem." He says and starts the car. Not another word was spoken, not even a goodbye. You feel so horrible but you couldn't undo the damage.