'virgin' piña coladas, boats and guns

chloe ting = death

jumping into tyler's jeep, we floor the accelerator and fly along the interstate, with the cops fast behind.

tyler's jeep is so fetch and its perfect for a getaway car.

the sirens and the same annoying message blasting over the megaphone telling us to "pull over", whatever that means, was more emotionally disturbing than the gunfight, so we plug in some power music to keep us sane.

ive never actually seen a cop car here in florida, i thought they were just in movies. but this 'car' doesnt even look like it can take our speeds.

when we reach the beach, tyler yells over to chad and brandon "start the boat dudes!" and the engine starts. heart pounding like the bullets in tessa's head, we jump over into the speedboat and zoom away, leaving the cop alone on the pier to smoke a joint.

with the danger gone, we take out three medium sized bottles of tennessee whiskey.

medium for us floridian gorlies is about 14 gallons.

very small, right?

we blast even better music while he dance in our success.

until tyler, the douchebag that he is, about 4 hours into our boat drive, says "where's tiffany?"

since he's her boyfriend and all.

like a movie, the music suddenly stops while heather and i look at each other.

i say "uhhh"

tyler says "what"

i say "she got caught up doing her eyeshadow", which would be a perfectly plausible explanation for a florida gorlie, especially tiffany.

and because the boys forgot about the cops.

it would've been if heather hadn't said at the same time "oh she's doing her 20 minute chloe ting yoga workout with her flavoured water in her favourite hydroflask" and then she covered her mouth.

so did i.

now the boys know we're both lying.

suddenly, chad is like "oi what the fuck mandem ill shank you up fam", going from high school football quarterback to roadman.

very common here in florida.

tyler then says "this is more dramatic than the epic highs and lows of high school football."

chad, heather and my nostrils flare before we start a full on fight.

heather hits chad in the ballz with her her hydroflask while chad punches my boob.

sometime in our fight, the three of us fall into the water.

i fall like the fragile little floridian that i am, barely splashing the water after the amount of the lemon water i drink on a daily basis.

our fight continues vividly in the warm water of the atlantic ocean.

while chad holds me under the water, heather keeps hitting him with her hydroflask in the ballz.

tyler and brandon, enjoying this from the comfort of the boat, throw chad a gun as a joke which they dont think is loaded.

but this is florida dude, it is loaded.

and the trigger goes off.