ʀᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ ꜱʜɪᴢ 😍💅🏻✨ ✓

My Wattpad Life 🤡 pt.1

Date: 24 • 04 • 2022

[ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ʟɪꜰᴇ]

Life is very hard for me and I know that a lot of people would say so as well but to me, these are the challenges I have to face almost everyday

My challenges consists of school life and home life

At school, I feel stressed about all the work they give me. All the endless amount of work piled up on my shoulders that I have to do to get good grades to satisfy my parents.

Along with that, there are friendship issues. Very minor, but great enough to have a toll on me for days.

Like one person would misunderstand, get annoyed, jump to conclusions, get offended, spread the word, unfriend, things like that. In my friendship group, we have 3 people. Me, and my two other friends. I... love them to bits, I really do, but they are a little toxic. I get it, life is hard for them as well, but- can they at least try? Try to make our friendship work? Try to listen more before you misinterpret it and misunderstand?

I want them to be my friends as long as possible. My life hasn't been very easy ever since I was young. I had to move 5 times, and each and every time, I would have to be heart broken at the thought of leaving my friends. The longest friendship I've ever had was 3 years. Those three years were hard, and it crushed me little by little. All because of another two people. But when I bid farewell to one of them, the one I had a friendship with for 3 years, I broke down and I couldn't help it anymore. Why did I have to move?

Even in one time, where I didn't move, one of the friends in the four people group made me lose my other friends. A boy friend. A friend that is a boy. He was the first friend I ever made when I moved into the school. He was so nice, so caring and we were friends for a long time. Until later in the year I lost him in a fight. The cause was the girl I mentioned in the 4 friend group. The one the broke me little by little.

I've had trust issues ever since. That didn't help when I joined the 3 friend group I have now. They also have trust issues. During last year, we broke off our group. And the worst part was that it happened in a group chat during my Maths lesson. Over text. I know, it was pathetic. But the fact that both of them was away and talked to each other before telling me that we should break off the trio, made me want to vomit my organs out (lol).

See, both of them were friends for 5 years until I came along. Because during the time where we all broke off, I was alone, while they were talk with each other, laughing, making jokes together as if I never became their friend. I knew that I had no right to barge into their friendship of 5 years but I felt so alone, and I didn't know why THEY get to to hang with each other and I can't. What was the point of breaking off the friendship, if they were going to get back together anyways!? It's like they wanted to unfriend me and me only!!

Then yeah, we made up. I found out the person behind all of this. A girl named Tallulah, who one of my friends thought they were friends but in reality, Tallulah hated me and her. She planted the idea of breaking off the friendship. Tallulah told me my friend spoke nasty things behind my back. I knew that my friend disliked me but I never knew she was that shallow to go talk behind my back.

I cried for hours and my eyes were puffy the next day. So fast forward to... a few weeks ago, I was on a call with that friend, and I brought up the Tallulah topic. I told her that my other friend told me she did said I was a bitch and two faced behind my back during that Tallulah era. She looked pale for a moment before agreeing. Now here's the part that made me angry. Last year, we talked about this topic as well. And she told me that she NEVER said anything behind my back. And here she is, admitting that she did say I was a bitch and two faced. I have been lied to. Again. What is it with all these people and lying to me! I have a right to know to you know. I asked her, during that time, I may have been a bit of a bitch, but why the two faced? She's the one that was two faced. Acting like she hated me and then being nice to me when we were doing a project while having fun with the other friend. I asked her about that too. 

Why could she hang out with my other friend but I can't? Why? She told me she talked it out with her and that she understood her. I felt my heart shatter. My snarky comment, cuts her off, "So you had the idea to talk to her about it and not me? You decided to sort things out with her but not me? Am I your friend or not?" She looked shocked once again, as she apologised profusely, but I wasn't paying attention. My face had no expression as I thought about the fact that she wouldn't talk to me about our friendship and would just leave me hanging if I didn't go up to both of them and apologise first. Now that I think about, what did I do wrong? We misunderstood, sure, but I never said anything to harm them, I didn't set them up, I wasn't being mean so what did I have to apologise for!?

One of my friends in that group, stood out from all of us, in everyone's eyes. She was the definition of perfect. She had good grades, she was nice, she's friends with EVERYBODY in the school, she had good manners, and over all, she was perfect. While the other friend and I, suffocated in the shadows. We were always in the shadows. Behind her. She was the youngest. We were older than her by a year. But somehow, she always gets the middle, she's always in the middle, she gets more opportunities, she has more friends, she has less traumatic events, everyone adored her. When she got opportunities, she would turn them down, while us, behind her, shared hurt glances. Why would she pass down the opportunities she could have that we couldn't? Why couldn't she make use out of that? 

Every time we got in a fight, she would always bring up one thing. Her divorced parents. I know it hurts for her, but why can't she move on, instead of getting stuck on that one chapter in her life? They were divorced since she was young and she probably wasn't even hurt by it! I have no right to assume though. But whenever me and the other friend fight, she would say we fight like her parents. We talk loud and said harsh things like her parents used to. Used to. Not anymore, but used to. They probably fight over text sometimes... but had she ever realise that since me and my other friend still have parents that aren't divorced, we could also hear them fight? We hear them fight, but she doesn't. Because her parents would fight over text. Does she not realise how hurt we are by it?

Plus, it was none of her business anyway. Who told her to listen to an argument that wasn't about her in the first place? Then why would she comment on it if it wasn't her business? It was our problem, our fight. She has nothing to do with it.

I'm so sorry for my very huge rant. But it isn't the end yet. This is just my school life. >:)

Sooo um that was a lot to take in?! I guess so....

It's uh- 5:45am in the morning rn- I stayed up the whole night 😶‍🌫️

Uh no offense to my friend in that rant-

We're all good now 🥰

[I hope you know, friend, that these are my feelings, and it's what I feel so you can't judge me for it. I won't change for you, but I'll change and be the better version of myself for me. :)]

I just wanna mention the past, speak up, make the nasty voices in my head go away, and spill all those unwanted feelings I've been bottling up. Thanks for reading..? There will be a pt.2!! <3

Love y'all, stay safe, stay healthy, stay ꜱᴛᴀʏ 💙

-ᴋᴀᴛɪᴇ ❄️