Tw: mentions of self harm, weight, sexual assault
"About two weeks ago I gave you a few poems to complete. I'm going to have each of you read one of them, whichever one you prefer." Mr. Jacobs exclaims.
I think back to the assignments and realize I only completed one so it shouldn't be hard to choose from.
Everyone searches through their bags on which one they will display for the class, while I pull out my notebook and open to the page titled "NUMBERS TO KEEP HIDDEN"
I skim through the words, my heart racing with the heavy topics that I let come out of me onto a piece of paper.
A few kids read their poems, also having some darker topics which slows my heart rate slightly.
When it comes to my turn, I almost decide on bolting out of the door but instead clear my throat to read.
"Today i am wearing a shirt thats all but none
Holding in my breast which are a ton
keeping me safe from the scavenger men
Even though they may rate me a 10
Pants that cover a part of me to hide
Something that should just be called mine
A stupid name thats used for something with 9 lives
Everyone is wondering if or how much i 8
because i have gained or lost weight
Whether or not I've been to the gym
Is it because I lost him?
I wake up at 8 am and go to school to find out I'm all of a 7, no longer 10
Because those scavenger men
Are no longer satisfied that my shirts don't have hem
I remember being 6 when he would come into my room
I never knew what extent he would go to
And around 5 am, I would take a knife and slice my wrist, hoping I would find someone to kiss the scars that I missed
I was thinking how much it would take 4 someone to no longer mistake the scars on my arm for cat scratches
I pick up a book and and up reading 3
I think about the things I could never be
We are now 2
With what we've been through
I stay up late
Thinking about how you changed my fate
And to number 1
My little son, I never thought you would be gone
But when I went to see you shine, I realized you were no longer mine"
I read the words with a shaky voice. Letting everyone get to know me more than I have ever before.
Everyone stares at me, a few mouths dropped, some girls with tears in their eyes to show they understood.
The reaction that surprises me the most is Mason crying.
After everyone realizes I'm done, they all clap. I let a few of my own tears run down my face as I take in the reactions of others. They all seemed to like it or at least relate to it which makes me feel somewhat ok with sharing it.
"Thank you Iris, for that wonderful poem. Why don't we end there and finish off tomorrow?" Mr. Jacobs says from his desk. I notice his eyes are now slightly widened with my words, most likely deciding what to do with the information.
