Void | Depressed Todoroki x Midoriya

25 | Crack

Izuku Midoriya

I should study a little more for the math test today, Midoriya thought while checking the time on his phone. Shouto? Well, the studying can wait.

Shouto
I'm sorry to text you this early, and I'm sorry to ask this, but can I talk to you about something?

Hot grains of sand danced over Midoriya's ribs as he read Todoroki's message.

Izuku
Of course, Shouto. Don't worry about it. Do you want to talk about this in person?

Shouto
I'd much rather text it, if that's not a problem

Izuku
I'm perfectly fine with that

Midoriya swallowed thickly as seconds of sweat dripped into minutes. He fixed his eyes on his phone, but he found himself occasionally descrying his notes. Once his phone vibrated again, however, Midoriya felt a surge of cold, sharp air blasting through his skull.

Shouto
I've been seeing a therapist for a little while now. Bakugou convinced me to try it for a month. My therapist is nice. But I just can't. I can't talk. I can't do anything, Izuku. I feel like I'm disrespecting her. I'm just a waste of her time. I'm not getting anything done. I can't, no matter how much I try to say something or type it out. My fingers won't move. My lips won't move. She tells me it's okay, but I feel so guilty and embarrassed. I want to cancel my appointment today because I do nothing but waste her time, but I haven't made any progress. During every appointment, I feel like I'm suffocating from the pressure, and it's like I'm detached from reality. After every appointment, I suddenly start crying for hours. I don't know why. I hate it. I can't stop once I've started, and no matter how hard I try to fight back the tears, I can't. I've never felt anything like this before. I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to send this at all. I'm really sorry, Izuku. It's not your job to deal with my problems. But even the thought of going back to my therapist debilitates me. I don't want to keep breaking over talking to someone. And I'm sorry it's taken so long to send this. I've been hovering over the send button for five minutes. I'm sorry

The claw of Midoriya's rib cage sank its ebony claws into his heart, compressing it to the verge of rupturing. His bones were injected with a rush of emotion that felt like lava, and his heartbeat reverberated through his wrists and temples.

I...don't know what to say, Midoriya inwardly maundered. I'm feeling so many different things. He never says anything about how he really feels and what he's struggling with. Suddenly seeing all of this... And I can feel the self-degradation just from reading this. Finally, I think this is a crack in his defenses. I know how hard it is for him to say things, and I know it's even harder for him to admit to having things he's struggling with, so this message...

Izuku
It really is okay, Shouto. I know that's hard to believe, and I know it sounds like the easy answer, but I mean that. It's okay to feel, to need help, to not be okay, to have weaknesses. It's okay, and I'm so proud that you're giving therapy a try. I'm also so proud that you talked to me about this at all. I can't imagine what you must be feeling. But I want you to try and attend the appointment today. You won't be stuck in that situation forever. And you're not a waste of time to anyone, Shouto. Please don't think of yourself like that. And take as long as you need to respond. But is there anything I can do for you right now?

Midoriya glanced at the time again. I don't want to miss class, but I will if he needs me. I have a feeling he's skipping today.

Shouto
Thank you, Izuku. Really... I don't deserve someone like you in my life. But I think just getting an answer helped a lot

Izuku
You really don't have to thank me for that. If you ever need to get something off your chest, I'm all ears. But can I ask about why you're going to therapy? I'm sorry if that sounds judgmental, and I don't mean for it to be, but I'm asking because I want to help

Shouto
It's for my eating habits, I guess. I don't want to say more. But sorry for taking up so much of your time

I figured, Midoriya inwardly sighed. But I really am glad he's getting help for it. He's thinner than ever... I don't want to assume, but I don't know what else other than anorexia that it could be. It's really sad, but that's the reality here. He exhaled slowly. I wish I knew more so I'd know how to guide him a little more, but I wouldn't want anyone to pry into my problems like that if I were in his place. I know it's a sensitive topic for him, and he's taking big steps in the right direction.

Izuku
That's okay. I completely get it. And I'm happy to be here for you, Shouto. I truly am

Izuku
Have you eaten yet?

Shouto
No, but I feel sick if I eat this early in the morning

Izuku
I can make you something small

Shouto
You're not in class?

Well, I guess that's the answer to the question of whether or not he's taking a day off today.

Izuku
No. I was worried about you

Shouto
I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. You don't need to skip class for me

Midoriya shook his head to his phone and nudged his way out of his dorm. He stepped into the elevator and gradually began to ascend to Todoroki's floor.

Izuku
I'm on my way to visit you

Shouto
Izuku, it's fine

Izuku
It sounds to me like you could really use a hug

Shouto
I guess I don't disagree, but you don't have to go out of your way to do this

I can't tell...if this is the sweet side of him, or if he doesn't think he deserves it, Midoriya realized while arriving at Todoroki's floor. It's sad and sweet. Bittersweet. Bittersweet... That's kind of a good description of him.

Izuku
I'm already almost there. Shouto, I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want to do it and if you weren't worth my time. And I'm here

Shouto
I need a few minutes. I'm sorry. I'll try to hurry

Izuku
No rush!

Hurry? cogitated Midoriya. What are you doing? Getting changed? I know you're not going to class, so... I don't know if I should be concerned, but coupling this with his behavior and what's been going on, I feel like...I should be concerned.