words i never said

Waster

I live my life in fear of permanence
Justifying every action with a near-ending warranty
yet I walk this long winding road
with no end in sight.

I want to inject tattoo ink into my veins
to evade my being from this existential dread
but the thought of a crippled patchwork coat
clinging limply to a hook
is far too much to handle

I want to drink my liver out of existence
and smoke my lungs into oblivion
because my contract is almost up on my accord
and I haven't many tomorrows left.

And I will sit back and watch this education of mine
burst into flames before me
as I do everything else in my life;
my friends,
my family,
my body,
myself.
I allow myself to become the monster I so fear,
because I have no tomorrows left.

but I exploit this fucking comfort
until I suck its soul dry
and there is no meat left on its weak bones,
forgetting that my existence is immortal and
I have infinite days left.

{ but what do I do when I am
finally forced to wake up? }