you've been dead nearly a week now.
I keep forgetting to tell people or who I've told.
I haven't cried
I don't want to.
not over this
you don't deserve my tears
my energy
the time I'll spend mourning you.
you lost your right to all of those last year.
its funny, you were a week away from 93.
you died three weeks, one year, and a day after I saw you last.
55 weeks.
386 days.
you died 55 weeks after you ruined your relationship with your granddaughter forever.
you died a year, three weeks and one day after I truly thought of disowning you.
you died 386 days after you became dead to me.
I light a candle for my other grandparents who I knew.
I will never light one in your memory.
for you don't usally light them for grandparents and when you do that implies you loved them when they died.
you died the day I realized you would never love me because of my eithitcy
my religion
my sexuality
my identity
April 10, 2021 is when you died to me.
April 25, 2022 is the day you actually died.
I tried so long to have a relationship with you.
I put up with your decaying mind and hearing
I put up with how you talked about my aunt
my dad,
my pathetic excuse of a grandfather,
my mother,
hell if I'm being honest I don't even know if you ever heard you say good things about my actual grandma.
you seemed to only bring her up when you could use her as a tool in your manipulation.
we were talking about what to do with you,
I made it clear I didn't care
when I was told you were to be burned, I didn't care
when they talked about it, it was poorly assumed I wanted your ashes.
I don't
I don't want anything from you.
my kids will not know much about you.
I will lie and say I don't remember you.
they don't need to know the truth.
I didn't even call outta work to go sat goodbye
I am not observing Shiva for you, I am not required to
even if I was, I would not, my Shiva would of been observed last April, when I saw you last.
the only thing I lost when you died is the running joke between my cousin and I that I could kill you.
I suppose we'll never know if we were right now though,
we'll never know if your granddaughters homosexuality could've killed you
YOU ARE READING
The Midnight Rantings Of Someone Lost
PoetrySome of these will be short stories, others letters to both real and fictional people, and really whatever else I see fit to add Also, I put this under poetry bc it was that or random And i'll be changing the cover in the near future
