Secrets Can Kill

Chapter 8: Ride

Emily awoke hours later to warmth surrounding her and something tickling her nose. She opened her eyes to see that it was blond locks that tickled her, and not just any blonde locks, but those of Alison DiLaurentis. Sure they'd slept together on numerous occasions, but that never stopped the flipping in her stomach or butterflies erupting. She felt the most at peace in her arms and she wished the moment wasn't so fleeting when she felt Alison stir. She felt Alison's arms unwrap from her and she had to stop it.

"Can we stay like this for a minute," she says grabbing Alison's arms.

"Of course," Alison responds sleepily. "How are you feeling?" she asks.

"Like crap," Emily responds. "I just feel so unbalances and out of control".

"I understand, but soon you'll be back to the old Emily," she says.

"I don't want to be the old Emily who cares what other people think and shoot for perfection. I just want to be plain Emily, why can't I be plain Emily?" she asks and her voice cracks.

"You can be Emily without the pressures, but you'll never be plain. You're so special," Alison says now forcing Emily's chin upwards so they could stare into each other's eyes.

"What's so special about me? That I'm too kind and trusting and the weakest link?" she asks with tears now flooding her eyes.

"No! You make this world a better place. You make it more bearable to live in. If all we had were a bunch of Alison's, Spencer's, Hanna's, Aria's, Mona's running around, we'd all be in trouble. We need more Emily's in the world to balance us. You're the good to our evil, your kindness may be a weakness to others, but it's also your strength. Not everyone has the ability to be as forgiving as you or see the good in everything or everyone. That's a gift that many would kill for, what I'd kill for," she says and the whole speech makes Emily lurch herself further into Alison.

"I love you," Emily mutters.

"What?" Alison asks not able to hear her against her shirt. Emily gets the courage to look up into her eyes.

"I love you," Emily says and she thought she would see anger, disgust, confusion written on Alison's face but all she could see was relief, happiness and maybe absolution from all her sins.

"You have no idea what it feels like to hear you say that," Alison says and now her voice cracks.

"What do you mean?" Emily asks now sitting up.

"I've been running away from something that has been staring me in the face for so long and I didn't realize that what I had was something that only a few people get to experience in their lifetime. I got to experience unconditional love and it didn't come from parents or family like you'd expect, but it came from you. I've never been good with my emotions and feelings, and I don't really know how to express them. I wish I could say I love you, but I don't," she says and hurt flashes across Emily's face. "It's more than that. I can't put it into words. It makes my heart ache when I'm not around you or I can't touch you. It hurts to see you hurting so bad, I feel over the moon when you smile at me, and God when you kiss me, my whole body becomes alive. I never thought I had a heart or soul, but when I'm with you, and you look at me with those eyes, I know you see something in me that I can't even see in myself and I just want to hold onto that feeling because I know that I will do something to mess this up," she cries.

"You don't have to hold onto it, because there isn't anything you can say or do to stop me from loving you the way that I do, hell even death itself couldn't stop me from thinking, dreaming, crying and obsessing over you and the way you would smile at me like you wouldn't smile at the other girls. Now that you've said those words, you have to know that there's no chance in hell that I'm letting you go," she says firmly.