V9S2 Nosey Neighbors...

Chapter 6: Malware Or A System Upgrade (all Depends On How You Look At IT)

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Umm...O-Oookay...so...uh yeah...

This is kinda crazy...A-alright. Not 'kinda'. This is full on, bat crap, tinfoil hat-get-out-the-butterfly-net levels of crazy.

So apparently while he was running mindless errands, catching up on a bit of back logged work, perusing the new stock at the Comic book store and chatting with Mags planning their Sharknado movie marathon meal list poor Simon was being shot at, involved in a high speed chase, shot at AGAIN and somehow roped into some weird, ridiculous, terrifyingly over the top espionage mission with a CIA agent and an honest to god assassin.

What the hell dude?

And now he's living with the CIA agent and directly across the courtyard from the assassin. This is for his protection while Simon- Simon Lewis: his adorable, babbly, flaily, BFF and favorite person in the entire world; a person with the energy level, stealth and coordination of a drunk squirrel on a sugar high- gears up to start training for a new career as a spy!

L-like...what? Just...what?

Si A spy?

Simon can't be a spy!

That'd be like Mags becoming a freaking monk!

T-this has to be some kind of mistake...there has to be some kind of loophole, a twist, a caveat...something-anything. There is no way in hell Simon Lewis is going to become a freaking spy. The guy gets overwhelmed, flails and hyperventilates when trying to muster up the stealth and subterfuge to pull off a surprise party!

Now don't get him wrong: he has total faith in Si. He's brilliant, funny, caring, compassionate, unyieldingly loyal and a million other truly wonderful, amazing things. He is flat out one of the best people he has ever known and there is hardly anything in this world that he doesn't think he can do.

T-that being said...Spycraft? Espionage? Life and death decisions? Things involving bullets and spies and assassins and evil cabals of counteragents and high speed chases and apparently even MORE bullets?

Uh...y-yeah...those? Those kind of fall squarely in the 'hardly anything' list...or like right at the top, circled in bright red and highlighted.

Si is NOT a spy. There is nothing deceptive, underhanded or in any way duplicitous in him...T-there's just not. Si is the most compassionate, empathetic, authentically open person he has ever met. He can't help but be himself; all his strengths and all his weaknesses clear as day for all to see. He doesn't hide things; he's not even sure if he really knows how to.

With him what you see is what you get. A sweet, cute, intelligent, funny, babble-y, endearingly nerdy, thoroughly uncoordinated, overly excitable techie. He's awesome, he loves how open he is; it's one of his best qualities.

Those are all wonderful endearing qualities for just a regular, everyday person...B-but here? For a spy? They seem like a near certain death sentence.

God that's terrifying.

That's j-

N-no...no there has to be something he missed here. Surely he just zoned out during the explanation. His head had to of just got lost in the aftermath of bullets and crazy seat of your pants rescues and near death experiences and even MORE bullets and snarky spies and even snarkier, smirkier worryingly flirty assassins and he tuned out the part where they said what the ACTUAL plan was to get Simon out of this crazy. He had to of...he knows he did. He swears five minutes into Alec's explanation all he was hearing was that 'wah, wah, wah' sound like on the old Charlie Brown cartoons when the adults were talking.