In This Secluded Spot I Respond As I Wouldn't Dare Elsewhere

Discussing Hamlet

His English teacher, Ms. Milton, knew him better than his guidance counselor. She encouraged his interests in literature and art, and had a knack for intuiting when he was having problems. She frowned at him slightly when he took his seat.

"I trust everyone did their reading assignments from last night, right? That means you won't mind a little quiz."

A chorus of groans erupted as Ms. Milton handed out sheets of paper to the first person at the head of every row. The quizzes were passed back from student to student. Castiel had just written his name down when the door rattled and Dean stumbled through.

"Sorry," he mumbled, all eyes on him. "I was...I couldn't find...I got lost."

A few of the students laughed and Dean ran a hand through his hair in obvious discomfort.

"I guess we can take this opportunity to introduce you. Mr. Winchester, I presume?"

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Please welcome Dean Winchester to the class. Dean, take a seat while everyone suffers through a pop quiz."

The only open desk was next to Castiel, who sat at the back of the class in the second row from the door.

Castiel tried to duck his head to make himself less conspicuous. He hunched over his paper and tried to concentrate on answering if he thought Hamlet truly loved Ophelia.

"Hey, man - "

Castiel ignored him.

"Mr. Winchester, you'll get a chance to introduce yourself after the quiz."

"That's okay, I'm good." He slouched down in his seat and remained quiet.

Castiel finished his quiz quickly and laid it face-down on his desk, and then took out his sketchbook. He went back to coloring the brown and gray feathers on the kestrel he'd sketched after seeing the bird on a split-rail fence not far from his apartment. He could feel Dean's eyes on him the entire time.

"That shouldn't have been too hard if you did your reading. Pass your papers to the front."

The class groaned again, but a flurry of papers were sent into Ms. Milton's waiting hands. She grabbed a book from her desk and made her way over to Dean.

"We're starting Act III this morning," she announced to the class. "This is where we get to hear Hamlet's famous 'To be or not to be' soliloquy, so pay attention as we go over the lines." She handed the book to Dean and said, "I don't expect you to know what's going on right now, but by next week you'll need to have read enough to catch up to us in class."

Dean took the book from her. "I'll manage."

"Great. Don't hesitate to ask if you need help."

Ms. Milton began by assigning different members of the class to read the speaking parts to the short scene before Hamlet's soliloquy. Castiel took notes on whatever Ms. Milton drew attention to, because he knew it would show up on quizzes. Dean sat quietly next to him, paging through the book but not bothering to take notes. Then Ms. Milton took over during Hamlet's speech.

"Let's do a few lines at a time, okay?" she said, addressing everyone. "To be, or not to be, that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them. What do you think Hamlet is talking about and feeling here?"

Thirty blank faces stared back at her, until Castiel raised his hand.

"Does anyone else have an opinion?" She looked around. "No? Anyone else? Okay, Castiel?"

"Hamlet's life has been torn apart. His mother has married his uncle, which he considers despicable, and he has learned that his father was murdered. He's inconsolable and distraught. Here he is looking at the moral implications of suicide - to be or not to be, or, to live or to die. He is asking whether it's braver to suffer, or to do something within his own power to make the pain stop."

Dean stopped flipping through his book and raised his head to pay attention after Castiel spoke.

"You bring up moral implications," Ms. Milton said. "Don't you think he's already made up his mind?"

"No," Castiel said, "because of the next lines in which he says, To die - to sleep. To sleep - perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub! For in that sleep of death what dreams may come... He's debating with himself over what may happen in the afterlife; that dying is more than merely sleeping."

"Is he afraid?"

"I believe so. I also believe that Hamlet, based on previous scenes, is a spiritual man. That may influence his decision more than the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to, as he says. He is uncertain that what may come after death is worse than what he must endure here."

"Interesting. You believe he fears death because of his spirituality?"

"Or religious beliefs, yes. The text is rife with spiritual overtones, such as the mentions of Heaven during Hamlet's conversation with his father's ghost, and especially during the scene in which Hamlet hesitates to kill Claudius while he's praying, because Hamlet fears he will send Claudius to Heaven."

"Mm-hmm," Ms. Milton agreed, "which happens in an act we haven't covered yet."

Castiel heard Dean snicker under his breath. He looked over and frowned, but Dean answered that with a grin. Castiel turned his attention back to Ms. Milton.

"Perhaps I've read ahead," he sheepishly admitted.

"Perhaps," she said, in a tone Castiel knew meant she was more impressed than annoyed.

The rest of the class passed with a line-by-line dissection of the rest of Hamlet's soliloquy. Castiel would steal glances at Dean every now and then, wondering why he found Castiel's enthusiasm for skipping ahead in the text amusing.

Finally the bell rang. Over the clamor, Ms. Milton told the class to read the rest of Scene I for homework. She waved her hand in Castiel's direction.

"Castiel? May I see you for a moment?"

Castiel grabbed his backpack and waited expectantly in front of her desk.

"Ms. Milton?"

"We've been so busy with Hamlet that I haven't had the chance to talk to you much. I wanted to check in and see how your semester's been going. How were your holidays? Okay, I hope?"

"Yes, thank you," he lied, leaving out the part where he had been almost constantly harassed over the past few weeks. He wasn't ready to share that with her yet, despite their relatively close relationship.

"That's good to hear. You keeping up with your studies?"

Castiel faked a grin. "I find time in between my myriad social engagements."

"Still having difficulty meeting people?"

Freshman year there was a boy on his bus he had started to become friendly with. Castiel often sat next to him while they talked about their favorite books, but in the middle of the school year the boy moved. Since then he'd run into nothing but problems trying to get to know people.

"I've never been given the chance. No one's willing to befriend the class weirdo, Ms. Milton. My mere presence causes either dislike or outright hate. I've given up."

Ms. Milton put her hand on his shoulder. "You shouldn't. It'll get better. You simply need a little more confidence in yourself."

"It's been three years of bullying and name-calling, and lately...well, I sincerely doubt I can expect to forge any friendships if I haven't already."

"But - "

"Your concern is always appreciated, Ms. Milton. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to be late for my next class."

"All right, Castiel. See you tomorrow. Let's allow the rest of the class to keep up with you, shall we?"

"I'll try."