The Fabulous Killjoys: The Story of Fireball Frenzy

Chapter 5- Only Hope For Me

A few days have passed since the concert invasion, which we spent as normal with a bit of time to reflect on the event and mourn those Killjoys we lost from it. I'm surprised I didn't die during it either. The amount of sacrifices all of us have to make just to fight for basic rights we should already have. And it's already wearing me out after a week or so; I can't even begin to imagine how worn out the other team members must be after doing this fight for years on end.

But a few hours after going to bed, I suddenly saw myself (and myself only) being chased down by a huge mob of Dracs, Scarecrows, and BLI workers. My parents leading the chase, they had not only been running to catch me and kidnap me, but also shouting terribly mean things at me. I could shoot back, but the fight would only get worse from there and it would increase my chances at dying. Or dying quicker, that is. So, I only ran for my life as fast as I could.
          Where were the other Killjoys in this chase? It was just me the mob was going after, so I was nearly hopeless, alone and scared but running anyway. It was when both my mother and father shouted this at me: "We wish we never had you!" when I finally decided to shoot. And I was right, it only made things worse because the mob was now surrounding me, blocking every possible path. I had no hope; my parents then gripped me, threw me into their car, and rushed to BLI HQ where I was, then, kidnapped and tortured. It was my night I ran away to the desert, all over again.
          Except, everyone in the mob who could fit in the torture room was in the room with me. The demeaning, degrading, insulting, and threatening only continued from there. I've never been more scared than now to die; but I was sure this was when my time would come. And my father put his gun to my forehead, slowly, then fired the shot.

And then, I woke up, shooting my head up quickly in fear. I looked outside the window at the sky; it was dark and starry. It turns out I was safe in my bed this whole time. All of that was a horrible nightmare of my worst fears coming true. I only sat up in bed, shaking and shivering with a look of fear and tears about to fall from my eyes.
          But instead of allowing this to make me insane by just sitting there, I quietly got out of bed and went into the kitchen to check the time and get some water. It was 3 AM, and as I drank the water, I paced around the kitchen with a limp and took deep breaths in and out to try distracting myself. After a while, I stopped that to just stare out the window at the starry sky and continue those deep breaths through the headache. But soon enough, someone else walked out to the kitchen. Thankfully, it was just Kobra. "Fireball?" he calmly addressed me. "Are you okay?"
          I turned to him as he walked toward me. "Oh..." I hesitated, "I guess so. Just can't sleep."
          "Me neither," he replied, with concern, "But you look like you're about to cry. Do you wanna talk about anything?"
          I gulped, nervous. "Well, I guess there are a couple things bothering me. But it's okay, I can handle it myself."
          "No, I don't mind talking about it. I'm happy to help if you need it."
          "No really, I'll be fine." I lied. I just didn't want to burden him and distract him from sleeping tonight.
          I could tell that he could tell I was lying. He gave me that classic concerned look, holding out his hand. "Fireball, you don't have to lie about your feelings; it's not bothering me. How about we put our jackets and shoes on then head up to the roof? That would be a good place to talk." It took me a second, but I did give him a small smile of agreement as I took his hand. He led me to the main room, where we put our shoes and jackets on, and then took my hand again to lead me outside to the back of the diner, where there was a ladder to climb up to the roof. "Up here is my favorite place to be in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. It happens a lot," he said.

And then, we were sitting on the roof together to get a better view of the stars. "So, Fireball, what's going on?"
          I went on to tell him about the nightmare first, everything from the details of the dream and about how real it felt. I could tell he was listening intently and taking everything in. "It was a nightmare of all my worst fears coming true. I had never been more scared in my life, both in the nightmare and now in real life. I feel like that could really happen. Like, everyone's out to get me." That's when the first tear fell.
          I cried even more when Kobra held his arms out to hug me. Like the kind of crying you get when someone is showing you love and care after years of not having those things. "That sounds so terrible, Fireball, I'm so sorry that nightmare happened." We stayed in the hug, and he was slowly and gently stroking my back. "Please remember though: I'm here for you. We are all here for you on this team. We would never let something like that happen to you."
          "Thank you," I mumbled. Then we let go. "Thank you for listening to me so well. It means so much more than you think."
          "Oh of course! You know, I have those fears as well. You aren't the only one. And what I've learned was that, the feelings can never truly go away. Not until this battle could possibly be won one day. So we might as well embrace them, talk about them with authenticity, and learn to balance it out with... the ambition that this whole fight is for."

I took a moment to think about what he just said, and agreed. I nodded. "Yeah! I like that. And I guess that includes not blaming myself for everything? Because I do still kind of do blame myself for what happened on my first day, when you got injured as you saved my life."
          "Yes, it does include not blaming yourself so much. It was just your first day anyway. Plus, it really isn't your fault that I got injured. We were both just doing the best we could, and sometimes it just happens around here these days. There is no need to be so hard on yourself."
          Exactly the words I needed to hear. Maybe it wasn't my fault. I have been too mean to myself. "You're right. In this world where there's so much corruption, war, and oppression against us already, it is easier to just be kinder to myself."
          "You got it! We blame the government instead." He chuckled.
          I laughed along. "Yes, let's blame the government. Because that's what we're fighting."
          "Exactly!" We then high-fived and hugged again. "Are you ready to head in?"
          "I think so," I smiled and nodded, tired again but the happy kind of tired. "This talk helped so much."
          "It did me too. So comforting."
          We then headed on into the diner and to our bedroom. As we headed to our separate beds, we said "good night" and declared ourselves best friends.

I knew it right then- he was the only hope for me in helping to fight my inner battle in combination with the external war.